A thought I don't and probably will never have the strength to even utter.
"I have friends, who brought me out here to have fun. Why couldn't Gilbert ever do anything like this for me."
Josh Ballard said "did she just liter?' I had a bottle in my honesty hand and I'm not the type to let a good cold one go to waste. I gave him that look of, yeah I did what are you going to do about it.
The swim reminded me of being out at Pismo Beach, spontaneous and half ass planning. I find it so ironic how the night ended the same way with a call to my family and I mean all of them: "It's Stephanie, come quick."
I find them different because the drive to Pismo was me in the front doing what I do best; entertaining my audience, being a co-pilot. The drive to a bridge before filling the floaties with air, well let's just say "there were people getting out of the car at the gas station." It was what I had said that they couldn't believe, "They can't use this against me in court because I'm not driving, right?" I can only imagine why they got offended at my words. They didn't understand why I was so worried about my actions. They probably thought "oh now your worried about what you've been doing is wrong." See it was that same white van that ran into a grocery cart metal thingy in the parking lot of a Save Mart in Fresno. I knew that they knew of my actions before I even met them. It'll be a year on Mother's Day of me running into a white fence while the camera was in the review mirror. Words of "did you hit somebody" was what I had to answer to. Along with "call the Police of blah blah blah and tell them what happened." So, I picked up the phone and said "I will do anything to prove that I am innocent. I will take a lie detector test if I have to." The person on the line should have said " there is no need you did nothing wrong."
The simplest thing to just get drunk and enjoy the sunset is what most people look forward to at the end of the day. It doesn't matter what language you speak or how many zeros are in your pay check, to take the time and relax. Is exactly what happened while I thought "Finally, I have people around that I feel comfortable enough to be myself, life is good." I encourage you to ask those around me at the time if there was any unhappiness in my mood. When I filled my lungs with a liquid instead of air, it was peaceful and painless, most are not that lucky. I know this because of what was told to me in my dreams. Yes, I believe God can speak in so many ways and will answer a prayer of granting me more Faith knowing when I was ready for it. Even sitting pool side the next day "You still got that happy thought?" was what my ultra ego asked, my reply was "yup". A drawing in charcoal with an inscription above it "I will remove this heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." The man I saw yesterday at the C.O.S.gallery was the one who lent me his ear and I told him words he would never forget, I also encourage you to ask him what those words are.
Recently, I have been ordered to take a day off something about Abe Lincolns Birthday. Do I compare my life to his, "no." Do I know that by careful planning and accepting my role in society, as a author: that my life will most definitely be regarded as a miracle, "yes." Could I have done this transfiguration on my own, "never."
Am I going to live a happily ever after and travel the world signing the hard cover version of this "maybe."
