A thought I don't and probably will never have the strength to even utter.
"I have friends, who brought me out here to have fun. Why couldn't Gilbert ever do anything like this for me."
Josh Ballard said "did she just liter?' I had a bottle in my honesty hand and I'm not the type to let a good cold one go to waste. I gave him that look of, yeah I did what are you going to do about it.
The swim reminded me of being out at Pismo Beach, spontaneous and half ass planning. I find it so ironic how the night ended the same way with a call to my family and I mean all of them: "It's Stephanie, come quick."
I find them different because the drive to Pismo was me in the front doing what I do best; entertaining my audience, being a co-pilot. The drive to a bridge before filling the floaties with air, well let's just say "there were people getting out of the car at the gas station." It was what I had said that they couldn't believe, "They can't use this against me in court because I'm not driving, right?" I can only imagine why they got offended at my words. They didn't understand why I was so worried about my actions. They probably thought "oh now your worried about what you've been doing is wrong." See it was that same white van that ran into a grocery cart metal thingy in the parking lot of a Save Mart in Fresno. I knew that they knew of my actions before I even met them. It'll be a year on Mother's Day of me running into a white fence while the camera was in the review mirror. Words of "did you hit somebody" was what I had to answer to. Along with "call the Police of blah blah blah and tell them what happened." So, I picked up the phone and said "I will do anything to prove that I am innocent. I will take a lie detector test if I have to." The person on the line should have said " there is no need you did nothing wrong."
The simplest thing to just get drunk and enjoy the sunset is what most people look forward to at the end of the day. It doesn't matter what language you speak or how many zeros are in your pay check, to take the time and relax. Is exactly what happened while I thought "Finally, I have people around that I feel comfortable enough to be myself, life is good." I encourage you to ask those around me at the time if there was any unhappiness in my mood. When I filled my lungs with a liquid instead of air, it was peaceful and painless, most are not that lucky. I know this because of what was told to me in my dreams. Yes, I believe God can speak in so many ways and will answer a prayer of granting me more Faith knowing when I was ready for it. Even sitting pool side the next day "You still got that happy thought?" was what my ultra ego asked, my reply was "yup". A drawing in charcoal with an inscription above it "I will remove this heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." The man I saw yesterday at the C.O.S.gallery was the one who lent me his ear and I told him words he would never forget, I also encourage you to ask him what those words are.
Recently, I have been ordered to take a day off something about Abe Lincolns Birthday. Do I compare my life to his, "no." Do I know that by careful planning and accepting my role in society, as a author: that my life will most definitely be regarded as a miracle, "yes." Could I have done this transfiguration on my own, "never."
Am I going to live a happily ever after and travel the world signing the hard cover version of this "maybe."
Showing posts with label The Art of Closing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Art of Closing. Show all posts
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Cold Turkey
When this is posted call it Cold Turkey.... That's how I did it, wasn't it?
A completely True Story
It was Gilbert who cooked heroin but never did the time for his crime because charges where never pressed. His friends/neighbors covered for him! When he lived on Court St. And the cross St was Myrtle "that's why a guilty conscience signs up to do jail time." He respected me by making sure I wasn't the guinea pig for what came out of the kitchen. "I have to do pills to fuck a guy like that" were the words that came out of Staci's mouth when she told me about fucking "Drew" two years ago. See, girls forget what they say when they are telling a lie.... Except the one that heard it!
When I worked in the mall, What you didn't know, is that I have been called by the military for years. (As a source of entertainment) guys would come by and be like "wanna do a show?" Boys do stupid things and pay ridiculous amounts for a little tail in their face. It wasn't hard to trace my old phone records!!! Paper trails, fuck wow! The URL's is how uploads and downloads are traceable. It's sad when it's from one source. Can't somebody come up with something better? Does me in the flesh look better than what is imagined on your screen?!?
The other side to my work was the exchanging of money. I completely saw Noman give Travis product in exchange to buy Staci a pack of smokes. When she asked me for some I completely knew the drill and nicely told her to get lost.
On break outside..... "the talk" were sell pitches!!! Every single look and syllable was like nails on a chalk board. "me and Gilbert talked last night." my response was "Really what did he say about me?" I thought a reminder in your coffin of who had let you over dose was a nice token of my blessing to "go to hell!"
The drive to a motel in the green van was the set up! "Thank you" were the words I read off a Phone in a message sent from Travis. It's so silly to think that my whole plan was to sit down all of these people across from Cindy and Nata allowing the mix up to happen..... "who could keep their story straight?" would have been the challenge. Oh, well maybe people should stay out of my way and stop thinking they can help. I do my own dirty work, "with a look of unbelief" Aka OMG!
"when you meet your maker let me know" because when I met mine he told me a secret...."ride the crazy train"
When I slept inside a Building with faces trying to help me believe I was crazy, I asked for one person to be my advocate. His name is Pastor Brian, the reason I asked for him was because I knew that I had sat in his living room trying to obey his teachings ever since that day in October I dedicated Lily to the church. "they sent me mother instead"
"I'm looking for a father" was what I said when I sat in front of the coin table. After that I sat next to Betty, then of course I had my usual appointment with Brian.
All of the people I had trusted called me names innumerable times!
The so called Gypsy's in Fresno, were only doing what a Dr. would have done by Keeping my body alive because my Heart was broken! Rashes were popping up all over because they didn't know what med.'s I was allergic to. "where did this come from?" was a question I asked often to the person who had given it to me.
"A person won't stay unless you given them a good reason to"
I remember a story that was once told of what Pastor Brian did before he changed his lifestyle. Well, let's just say "I'm the reason men make drugs."
Jem has to read to Mrs. Dubose for a month, everyday for 2 hours. (pg.106)
Pg.111 "Mrs. Dubose was a morphine addict and was trying to get off it before she died. And she did."
- In the candy Box there was a white, waxy, perfect camellia. It was a snow-on-the-mountain.
"I was gonna be Staci's date to her mom's wedding" was the last straw. "but I was in Oregon" that I heard off my IPhone. I live in the same house that brought an end to Romeo and Juliet.
I was dropped off here when I asked Nata "Why are you crying?" he just wiped away the tears.... Knowing the practical joke had gone to far. When I last talked to him I asked for his full name. "to you I will always be King of the dance"
Thank you because I don't know what you did or said (I don't think you do either) "that gave me a reason to write my wrongs and Live"
When my Pa died, I stood next to my family and didn't cry. Why would I cry at someone else's?
"Stephanie come here and get a new profile picture."
A mission Statement: fuck it I wrote the book
A completely True Story
It was Gilbert who cooked heroin but never did the time for his crime because charges where never pressed. His friends/neighbors covered for him! When he lived on Court St. And the cross St was Myrtle "that's why a guilty conscience signs up to do jail time." He respected me by making sure I wasn't the guinea pig for what came out of the kitchen. "I have to do pills to fuck a guy like that" were the words that came out of Staci's mouth when she told me about fucking "Drew" two years ago. See, girls forget what they say when they are telling a lie.... Except the one that heard it!
When I worked in the mall, What you didn't know, is that I have been called by the military for years. (As a source of entertainment) guys would come by and be like "wanna do a show?" Boys do stupid things and pay ridiculous amounts for a little tail in their face. It wasn't hard to trace my old phone records!!! Paper trails, fuck wow! The URL's is how uploads and downloads are traceable. It's sad when it's from one source. Can't somebody come up with something better? Does me in the flesh look better than what is imagined on your screen?!?
The other side to my work was the exchanging of money. I completely saw Noman give Travis product in exchange to buy Staci a pack of smokes. When she asked me for some I completely knew the drill and nicely told her to get lost.
On break outside..... "the talk" were sell pitches!!! Every single look and syllable was like nails on a chalk board. "me and Gilbert talked last night." my response was "Really what did he say about me?" I thought a reminder in your coffin of who had let you over dose was a nice token of my blessing to "go to hell!"
The drive to a motel in the green van was the set up! "Thank you" were the words I read off a Phone in a message sent from Travis. It's so silly to think that my whole plan was to sit down all of these people across from Cindy and Nata allowing the mix up to happen..... "who could keep their story straight?" would have been the challenge. Oh, well maybe people should stay out of my way and stop thinking they can help. I do my own dirty work, "with a look of unbelief" Aka OMG!
"when you meet your maker let me know" because when I met mine he told me a secret...."ride the crazy train"
When I slept inside a Building with faces trying to help me believe I was crazy, I asked for one person to be my advocate. His name is Pastor Brian, the reason I asked for him was because I knew that I had sat in his living room trying to obey his teachings ever since that day in October I dedicated Lily to the church. "they sent me mother instead"
"I'm looking for a father" was what I said when I sat in front of the coin table. After that I sat next to Betty, then of course I had my usual appointment with Brian.
All of the people I had trusted called me names innumerable times!
The so called Gypsy's in Fresno, were only doing what a Dr. would have done by Keeping my body alive because my Heart was broken! Rashes were popping up all over because they didn't know what med.'s I was allergic to. "where did this come from?" was a question I asked often to the person who had given it to me.
"A person won't stay unless you given them a good reason to"
I remember a story that was once told of what Pastor Brian did before he changed his lifestyle. Well, let's just say "I'm the reason men make drugs."
Jem has to read to Mrs. Dubose for a month, everyday for 2 hours. (pg.106)
Pg.111 "Mrs. Dubose was a morphine addict and was trying to get off it before she died. And she did."
- In the candy Box there was a white, waxy, perfect camellia. It was a snow-on-the-mountain.
"I was gonna be Staci's date to her mom's wedding" was the last straw. "but I was in Oregon" that I heard off my IPhone. I live in the same house that brought an end to Romeo and Juliet.
I was dropped off here when I asked Nata "Why are you crying?" he just wiped away the tears.... Knowing the practical joke had gone to far. When I last talked to him I asked for his full name. "to you I will always be King of the dance"
Thank you because I don't know what you did or said (I don't think you do either) "that gave me a reason to write my wrongs and Live"
When my Pa died, I stood next to my family and didn't cry. Why would I cry at someone else's?
"Stephanie come here and get a new profile picture."
A mission Statement: fuck it I wrote the book
Monday, October 17, 2011
"Have you ever thought of it this way, Alexandra?" Whether Maycomb knows it or not we're paying the highest tribute we can pay a man. By trusting him to do right"
A quote from a book named in this era of time, To Kill A Mocking Bird. It has been on my mind ever since the last time I listened to Rick Rush at Church. There are so many Variables in what people consider as right. Just as a prayer, to some a good one is short and to the point. Others describe in detail their wishes unable to make them come true. Just Imagine how someone writes a last testament "A will". Each one is different but always thinking of those that come follow after. Why listen to the ones before, when Life experiences is what truely teaches a child that fire hurts when you get to close.
"well all I can say is, when you and Jem are grown, maybe you'll look back on this with some compassion and some feeling that I didn't let you down"...... My dear sweet Lily of the Valley. We have done more than just fly to the moon, we are all over the world!!!!
A quote from a book named in this era of time, To Kill A Mocking Bird. It has been on my mind ever since the last time I listened to Rick Rush at Church. There are so many Variables in what people consider as right. Just as a prayer, to some a good one is short and to the point. Others describe in detail their wishes unable to make them come true. Just Imagine how someone writes a last testament "A will". Each one is different but always thinking of those that come follow after. Why listen to the ones before, when Life experiences is what truely teaches a child that fire hurts when you get to close.
"well all I can say is, when you and Jem are grown, maybe you'll look back on this with some compassion and some feeling that I didn't let you down"...... My dear sweet Lily of the Valley. We have done more than just fly to the moon, we are all over the world!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)