As I thought of the Tulare County Fair grounds and how many times I had been there. Once was for Emerald, over the microphone I had heard "come dance this is a girls dream." I had told Emerge Listen I would like to be a Gogo, I can dance and all I need is a D.J., I had set it up that I would come out with my name Patience. Emerge came up to me near the watering hole and trie to get my attention, I gave him a pause finger as I walked away and fixed my dress. I turned around and he was gone. After I walked to the side of the stage and saw this painting of the Emerlad city of Oz. Not done by star gaze mafia(loser name) but Gabriel himself. We bother looked at it and he said he ddnt like it. I said "it doesn't even look like your style."
So, the night went on and I finally ran out of energy. I meet Carlos and James and then of course my ride Vincent was waiting to take me to the after party. So, there I was again. This time with Cherry and Josh and the older Welch sister and her man. I walked up to Gabriel again and looked at his painting and ask where the lion was.
If you remember from the movie and book why the lion went to the great wizard in the first place, for a red badge of courage.
So, while at the after party Gabe started painting his version of that lion, over the Emerald
city to where it could be no long visible. Now, if you look at the original painting, look at it in a different light. Not the one that was recreated behind mooney ink but the one I was there for and the one I love. The one that was painted while I danced the night away.
Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts
Friday, March 2, 2012
Saturday, December 10, 2011
"Blank Page" Amanda D.
Revolving doors with a Shotgun as the Bell
I use to hear "there is safety in counsel." I think "why would I feel safe in counsel of people." don't people always let you down? I'm the only person who can get me what I want. I found it strange how thanksgiving Betty said "she's tried filing for a restraining order." hhhhmmmm!! There was only one person that took me to the court house. "we deal with her grandma." is another dropped line that I heard that day. No, I don't trust anyone, it's not because of what is said its from what isn't said. Behind closed doors over phones and in the other room. I will always love my family but "yes there is always a but" I trust no one. I'm not paranoid or think they are trying to keep me and Lily apart, it's just my conscience! It becomes louder when there are things out of place. Why would my family support a man I wish was dead?!? There is something not being said..... I am honest with them giving them that respect why is it not returned? Lies always come out in the end, "people only hide when there is a reason or something to hide." Even fake name's and I.D.'s
When I do something I love I do it for free. It's something about having a crime of Passion. In the movie "My sisters Keeper" the actor with connection to law-in-forcement did what he did for free because of what he believed!!! "God is no respecter of Persons" What makes us equal is the commonality we are all going to die. The only way to live on is reproductive organs!!!
Will I have another child?!? That is something idk. Only my future does.
I use to hear "there is safety in counsel." I think "why would I feel safe in counsel of people." don't people always let you down? I'm the only person who can get me what I want. I found it strange how thanksgiving Betty said "she's tried filing for a restraining order." hhhhmmmm!! There was only one person that took me to the court house. "we deal with her grandma." is another dropped line that I heard that day. No, I don't trust anyone, it's not because of what is said its from what isn't said. Behind closed doors over phones and in the other room. I will always love my family but "yes there is always a but" I trust no one. I'm not paranoid or think they are trying to keep me and Lily apart, it's just my conscience! It becomes louder when there are things out of place. Why would my family support a man I wish was dead?!? There is something not being said..... I am honest with them giving them that respect why is it not returned? Lies always come out in the end, "people only hide when there is a reason or something to hide." Even fake name's and I.D.'s
When I do something I love I do it for free. It's something about having a crime of Passion. In the movie "My sisters Keeper" the actor with connection to law-in-forcement did what he did for free because of what he believed!!! "God is no respecter of Persons" What makes us equal is the commonality we are all going to die. The only way to live on is reproductive organs!!!
Will I have another child?!? That is something idk. Only my future does.
Monday, December 5, 2011
A sense of Longevity!!
Cardiac Arrest
I do find it interesting that I haven't written piece on Loyalty. Since, it is something I obliviously believe in. I practice it on a daily basis. I use to have my song of the day and word of the day. Why is it that something I believe in that would be so easy for me to make a point about, I haven't done it? Huh? It would be an easy subject. A person self adsorbed is only loyal to people who are similar. Seasons greeting from Never Land. In my world of nonsense and contradictions everything is out of order, it's how I didn't plan it. That is just how it turns out. Today's plan was to ask and see if a childhood dream is possible.... Creating and collaboration is a combining of the senses! No, it's not coincidence that it is the first page of the book I'm making for Lily. It is the hardest book to even think about because I also started it in July not knowing how to finish it. Choices are easy to make.... Sticking to them was the hard part. Finding a dream to follow was easy, doing it..... Oh geeeezzze. When a dream comes true it doesn't matter how long it takes to come true, it only matters that it did. I wonder who's enjoying this more, Me or you?
I do find it interesting that I haven't written piece on Loyalty. Since, it is something I obliviously believe in. I practice it on a daily basis. I use to have my song of the day and word of the day. Why is it that something I believe in that would be so easy for me to make a point about, I haven't done it? Huh? It would be an easy subject. A person self adsorbed is only loyal to people who are similar. Seasons greeting from Never Land. In my world of nonsense and contradictions everything is out of order, it's how I didn't plan it. That is just how it turns out. Today's plan was to ask and see if a childhood dream is possible.... Creating and collaboration is a combining of the senses! No, it's not coincidence that it is the first page of the book I'm making for Lily. It is the hardest book to even think about because I also started it in July not knowing how to finish it. Choices are easy to make.... Sticking to them was the hard part. Finding a dream to follow was easy, doing it..... Oh geeeezzze. When a dream comes true it doesn't matter how long it takes to come true, it only matters that it did. I wonder who's enjoying this more, Me or you?
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Cold Turkey
When this is posted call it Cold Turkey.... That's how I did it, wasn't it?
A completely True Story
It was Gilbert who cooked heroin but never did the time for his crime because charges where never pressed. His friends/neighbors covered for him! When he lived on Court St. And the cross St was Myrtle "that's why a guilty conscience signs up to do jail time." He respected me by making sure I wasn't the guinea pig for what came out of the kitchen. "I have to do pills to fuck a guy like that" were the words that came out of Staci's mouth when she told me about fucking "Drew" two years ago. See, girls forget what they say when they are telling a lie.... Except the one that heard it!
When I worked in the mall, What you didn't know, is that I have been called by the military for years. (As a source of entertainment) guys would come by and be like "wanna do a show?" Boys do stupid things and pay ridiculous amounts for a little tail in their face. It wasn't hard to trace my old phone records!!! Paper trails, fuck wow! The URL's is how uploads and downloads are traceable. It's sad when it's from one source. Can't somebody come up with something better? Does me in the flesh look better than what is imagined on your screen?!?
The other side to my work was the exchanging of money. I completely saw Noman give Travis product in exchange to buy Staci a pack of smokes. When she asked me for some I completely knew the drill and nicely told her to get lost.
On break outside..... "the talk" were sell pitches!!! Every single look and syllable was like nails on a chalk board. "me and Gilbert talked last night." my response was "Really what did he say about me?" I thought a reminder in your coffin of who had let you over dose was a nice token of my blessing to "go to hell!"
The drive to a motel in the green van was the set up! "Thank you" were the words I read off a Phone in a message sent from Travis. It's so silly to think that my whole plan was to sit down all of these people across from Cindy and Nata allowing the mix up to happen..... "who could keep their story straight?" would have been the challenge. Oh, well maybe people should stay out of my way and stop thinking they can help. I do my own dirty work, "with a look of unbelief" Aka OMG!
"when you meet your maker let me know" because when I met mine he told me a secret...."ride the crazy train"
When I slept inside a Building with faces trying to help me believe I was crazy, I asked for one person to be my advocate. His name is Pastor Brian, the reason I asked for him was because I knew that I had sat in his living room trying to obey his teachings ever since that day in October I dedicated Lily to the church. "they sent me mother instead"
"I'm looking for a father" was what I said when I sat in front of the coin table. After that I sat next to Betty, then of course I had my usual appointment with Brian.
All of the people I had trusted called me names innumerable times!
The so called Gypsy's in Fresno, were only doing what a Dr. would have done by Keeping my body alive because my Heart was broken! Rashes were popping up all over because they didn't know what med.'s I was allergic to. "where did this come from?" was a question I asked often to the person who had given it to me.
"A person won't stay unless you given them a good reason to"
I remember a story that was once told of what Pastor Brian did before he changed his lifestyle. Well, let's just say "I'm the reason men make drugs."
Jem has to read to Mrs. Dubose for a month, everyday for 2 hours. (pg.106)
Pg.111 "Mrs. Dubose was a morphine addict and was trying to get off it before she died. And she did."
- In the candy Box there was a white, waxy, perfect camellia. It was a snow-on-the-mountain.
"I was gonna be Staci's date to her mom's wedding" was the last straw. "but I was in Oregon" that I heard off my IPhone. I live in the same house that brought an end to Romeo and Juliet.
I was dropped off here when I asked Nata "Why are you crying?" he just wiped away the tears.... Knowing the practical joke had gone to far. When I last talked to him I asked for his full name. "to you I will always be King of the dance"
Thank you because I don't know what you did or said (I don't think you do either) "that gave me a reason to write my wrongs and Live"
When my Pa died, I stood next to my family and didn't cry. Why would I cry at someone else's?
"Stephanie come here and get a new profile picture."
A mission Statement: fuck it I wrote the book
A completely True Story
It was Gilbert who cooked heroin but never did the time for his crime because charges where never pressed. His friends/neighbors covered for him! When he lived on Court St. And the cross St was Myrtle "that's why a guilty conscience signs up to do jail time." He respected me by making sure I wasn't the guinea pig for what came out of the kitchen. "I have to do pills to fuck a guy like that" were the words that came out of Staci's mouth when she told me about fucking "Drew" two years ago. See, girls forget what they say when they are telling a lie.... Except the one that heard it!
When I worked in the mall, What you didn't know, is that I have been called by the military for years. (As a source of entertainment) guys would come by and be like "wanna do a show?" Boys do stupid things and pay ridiculous amounts for a little tail in their face. It wasn't hard to trace my old phone records!!! Paper trails, fuck wow! The URL's is how uploads and downloads are traceable. It's sad when it's from one source. Can't somebody come up with something better? Does me in the flesh look better than what is imagined on your screen?!?
The other side to my work was the exchanging of money. I completely saw Noman give Travis product in exchange to buy Staci a pack of smokes. When she asked me for some I completely knew the drill and nicely told her to get lost.
On break outside..... "the talk" were sell pitches!!! Every single look and syllable was like nails on a chalk board. "me and Gilbert talked last night." my response was "Really what did he say about me?" I thought a reminder in your coffin of who had let you over dose was a nice token of my blessing to "go to hell!"
The drive to a motel in the green van was the set up! "Thank you" were the words I read off a Phone in a message sent from Travis. It's so silly to think that my whole plan was to sit down all of these people across from Cindy and Nata allowing the mix up to happen..... "who could keep their story straight?" would have been the challenge. Oh, well maybe people should stay out of my way and stop thinking they can help. I do my own dirty work, "with a look of unbelief" Aka OMG!
"when you meet your maker let me know" because when I met mine he told me a secret...."ride the crazy train"
When I slept inside a Building with faces trying to help me believe I was crazy, I asked for one person to be my advocate. His name is Pastor Brian, the reason I asked for him was because I knew that I had sat in his living room trying to obey his teachings ever since that day in October I dedicated Lily to the church. "they sent me mother instead"
"I'm looking for a father" was what I said when I sat in front of the coin table. After that I sat next to Betty, then of course I had my usual appointment with Brian.
All of the people I had trusted called me names innumerable times!
The so called Gypsy's in Fresno, were only doing what a Dr. would have done by Keeping my body alive because my Heart was broken! Rashes were popping up all over because they didn't know what med.'s I was allergic to. "where did this come from?" was a question I asked often to the person who had given it to me.
"A person won't stay unless you given them a good reason to"
I remember a story that was once told of what Pastor Brian did before he changed his lifestyle. Well, let's just say "I'm the reason men make drugs."
Jem has to read to Mrs. Dubose for a month, everyday for 2 hours. (pg.106)
Pg.111 "Mrs. Dubose was a morphine addict and was trying to get off it before she died. And she did."
- In the candy Box there was a white, waxy, perfect camellia. It was a snow-on-the-mountain.
"I was gonna be Staci's date to her mom's wedding" was the last straw. "but I was in Oregon" that I heard off my IPhone. I live in the same house that brought an end to Romeo and Juliet.
I was dropped off here when I asked Nata "Why are you crying?" he just wiped away the tears.... Knowing the practical joke had gone to far. When I last talked to him I asked for his full name. "to you I will always be King of the dance"
Thank you because I don't know what you did or said (I don't think you do either) "that gave me a reason to write my wrongs and Live"
When my Pa died, I stood next to my family and didn't cry. Why would I cry at someone else's?
"Stephanie come here and get a new profile picture."
A mission Statement: fuck it I wrote the book
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Ward of the State of Mind
Good girls don't go back!! That's silly!! But fools well that's another story!! I dragged everybody into our affairs! Everyone knew how horrible things had been!! But I didn't know or believe it could get better!!!! If you call me I'll ask you if your gonna hit me! you'll ask me if I'll cry! We will both say no and smile!! Why.... Because I love you and the simple life I dream about!
Dreams do come true!!
My Lilyan you are my world and the only one that makes me laugh!!
Little things make me smile!!! Like the smell of you!! Making no promises so there is none to break!! Haha!!
If I could write a thank you letter it would first start with the ones who put me in check and was involved in my twelve step program... Of no more drama! The drama queen has none! its great!! Just a regular little girl raising another one!! What else could I ask for!! People try to get a reaction out of me and even my family yelling.. I was like ok your done!! Cuz I'm not gonna say what you wanna hear... So I just don't say anything at all!! Well except I love you!! And thank you for not putting me behind bars!!
I even repeated this in a interview and figured out I was done going by some one elses schedule!!! It came to the point of branching out on my own!!! I stopped trying to wish my dreams to come true!!! I made them happen!!! Even to this day I'm plotting and planning my next move.
My GrandPa taught me chess and the name of the pieces!!! Even how to move them on a board.... But it was his wife who taught me how to play poker.... Never admitting she was a gambler!!!
Dreams do come true!!
My Lilyan you are my world and the only one that makes me laugh!!
Little things make me smile!!! Like the smell of you!! Making no promises so there is none to break!! Haha!!
If I could write a thank you letter it would first start with the ones who put me in check and was involved in my twelve step program... Of no more drama! The drama queen has none! its great!! Just a regular little girl raising another one!! What else could I ask for!! People try to get a reaction out of me and even my family yelling.. I was like ok your done!! Cuz I'm not gonna say what you wanna hear... So I just don't say anything at all!! Well except I love you!! And thank you for not putting me behind bars!!
I even repeated this in a interview and figured out I was done going by some one elses schedule!!! It came to the point of branching out on my own!!! I stopped trying to wish my dreams to come true!!! I made them happen!!! Even to this day I'm plotting and planning my next move.
My GrandPa taught me chess and the name of the pieces!!! Even how to move them on a board.... But it was his wife who taught me how to play poker.... Never admitting she was a gambler!!!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
The Drawing Board
Lies to cover up more lies!!!! Some white lies others with a lot more imagination and fabrication
Tall tells and manipulation
A life based on lies was not worth living!!! I looked at all the bull shit... And gave it up!!! There was no more searching for WiFi!! I knew why just didn't know the name of the guy!!! Didn't take the time to ask or even care.... It was just a conspiracy and front page gossip!!! Fresno's Art Hop with nothing to show not even my face!!!
In one of my mid-night moods of expressing myself. I wrote "Did I ever tell you that your the best I ever had?"
Than years later I danced to that song by drake(?) Then people wonder why I don't dance anymore.... I was writing songs before I knew it!!! A production is what I'm looking for.......!!!!
A new face of life eternal!!! New brown eyes to look into!!! Hearing her laugh and giggle laying in bed..... You no longer taking time away from her!!! Her name was suppose to be Wonder Hope Montero!!!!
All things I forgot!!! Thank goodness my habit is writing everything down!!! Putting it together in a new book to read to her..... ScrapBook Take Over!!!
Tall tells and manipulation
A life based on lies was not worth living!!! I looked at all the bull shit... And gave it up!!! There was no more searching for WiFi!! I knew why just didn't know the name of the guy!!! Didn't take the time to ask or even care.... It was just a conspiracy and front page gossip!!! Fresno's Art Hop with nothing to show not even my face!!!
In one of my mid-night moods of expressing myself. I wrote "Did I ever tell you that your the best I ever had?"
Than years later I danced to that song by drake(?) Then people wonder why I don't dance anymore.... I was writing songs before I knew it!!! A production is what I'm looking for.......!!!!
A new face of life eternal!!! New brown eyes to look into!!! Hearing her laugh and giggle laying in bed..... You no longer taking time away from her!!! Her name was suppose to be Wonder Hope Montero!!!!
All things I forgot!!! Thank goodness my habit is writing everything down!!! Putting it together in a new book to read to her..... ScrapBook Take Over!!!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Taking Advice
I love to write, it's what I have done ever since I was in elementary school. I may not spell well or have proper grammar, I just have a certain style! I would sit in my room every summer and read poems! One book I remember the most was chicken noodle soup for the teen age soul! I just finished watching home alone part one and two! It made me laugh so hard I turned into a giggle pisser!
This summer has been about learning how I am! I have grown up so much, but as usual I was the last one to figure it out! Yes, I am weird and very different from any normal child. I guess that is how it is when you believe to have taught yourself. I look at my little me and think wow... She's growing up so fast! Then my parents (all 4 of them) look at me and say the same thing! I once thought running away was the solution, but all I really need was a break! Sshhhhzzzz everybody else had a summer vacation! Why couldn't I? From the real world?
People like to think I'm withdrawing... No I'm painting and writing poems and taking care of lily! Being a stay at home mom, something i havent done before... Boring yes!! But boy boy do I love it!!
Drama free baby mama is what I call it!!!
This summer has been about learning how I am! I have grown up so much, but as usual I was the last one to figure it out! Yes, I am weird and very different from any normal child. I guess that is how it is when you believe to have taught yourself. I look at my little me and think wow... She's growing up so fast! Then my parents (all 4 of them) look at me and say the same thing! I once thought running away was the solution, but all I really need was a break! Sshhhhzzzz everybody else had a summer vacation! Why couldn't I? From the real world?
People like to think I'm withdrawing... No I'm painting and writing poems and taking care of lily! Being a stay at home mom, something i havent done before... Boring yes!! But boy boy do I love it!!
Drama free baby mama is what I call it!!!
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