A refreshed memory

As I thought of the Tulare County Fair grounds and how many times I had been there. Once was for Emerald, over the microphone I had heard "come dance this is a girls dream." I had told Emerge Listen I would like to be a Gogo, I can dance and all I need is a D.J., I had set it up that I would come out with my name Patience. Emerge came up to me near the watering hole and trie to get my attention, I gave him a pause finger as I walked away and fixed my dress. I turned around and he was gone. After I walked to the side of the stage and saw this painting of the Emerlad city of Oz. Not done by star gaze mafia(loser name) but Gabriel himself. We bother looked at it and he said he ddnt like it. I said "it doesn't even look like your style."

So, the night went on and I finally ran out of energy. I meet Carlos and James and then of course my ride Vincent was waiting to take me to the after party. So, there I was again. This time with Cherry and Josh and the older Welch sister and her man. I walked up to Gabriel again and looked at his painting and ask where the lion was.

If you remember from the movie and book why the lion went to the great wizard in the first place, for a red badge of courage.

So, while at the after party Gabe started painting his version of that lion, over the Emerald
city to where it could be no long visible. Now, if you look at the original painting, look at it in a different light. Not the one that was recreated behind mooney ink but the one I was there for and the one I love. The one that was painted while I danced the night away.

Safe a Livers

So I thought... Yes a troublesome past time. Came up with some rules... Decided it's time to write some more:Party Rules for invitations to my cookie dough bake sale.

#1- video must be PG.
#2- must be age regulated. Old vs. New folks! If you think your young then you are.
#3- head of household must come up with a plot for the rest of the family members to act in. (example: Lily is Little Mermaid, I'm wicked witch)

My readers I have been in your hearts, review mirrors and flat screens. This is not just a month to celebrate Christ birth but the Mrs. Montero who I answer to. I don't want to make it special in one day, I kinda would like the 12 day to Christmas effect. My blue women crew of 2012 is where I got the idea. Mercy hates pictures on Facebook so I'll spare her from posting the visual. She's pretty old school, does hand written Christmas cards. I was about to do the same thing to ask for hilarious videos from families my family has become apart of. On New Years day I plan on getting my family together to watch the DvD's you send in. Via UTubelink (missverymarykay@gmail.com) As time flys don't forget the reason why Humanity exsist.... Happy Mother's Day Remix!!!

Dear Staci

Cc: Wendy


Wendy I'm sorry I ruined and made your birthday about me!! We were at the skate and it was suppose to be a happy day!! I don't understand how you didn't just tell me! Yeah so what If I was happy! To come home at the end of the day and never be able to say goodbye!! I should have been there at the hospital! Just like I was there when my great grams died. Then there was no question! I knew she was gone! Lily said "your mom is dead" that is what you heard when you were young! Wendy I lost the only gift I ask for from the dad i never met, at the fight I got into along with the earrings! And yes I do believe you fucked Gilbert! Cuz of the story you told me about Ashley! I gave you all your stuff and haven't called you since! You are the old friend of my old life! I wanted to do it face to face when I invited you to dinner but why! It wasn't worth the drama! I showed you respect by giving you the stuff I was going to throw away! 

Yes I was hurt because I knew I was just settling for Gilbert when I asked him to marry me! And I've kept saying it over and over he went to the stupid concert and had the time of his life and I got stuck going to the bars! If only I had told you! you would have given me a wonderful party! 

And I'll say it until I'm blue in the face... I hate Gilbert!! Another person I do not call!! 

If I want to see some one well shit!! I got who I want!! A lil' me.

Girls Vs. A Woman

Creating alternative endings 

Its always the same ending when I wake up from a nightmare. Just to continue another. Waking up seeing shadows..... Believing they are familiar figures. Replaying the end of the world, until I come to the point when I see a face. I no longer run from it but I do hate every minute that is spent in front of it. No words can be arranged together of how I do regret every year that passed by and I replayed that role of being his. There Is no good memory I can think of when my life was a nightmare. That is why I try to replace these ugly memories with good ones!!! But my dreams remind me of a past I can not escape. Thankfully I have her to keep me going. 

It's a very ugly thing but everyone has been through something similar. 

I wonder what the girl at the grocery store was trying to point out, when I said "I wasn't looking" the respons was "that's what they said at gold diggers..."

Was she directing the comment towards the guy in line, or me?!? 

Jealousy is ugly no matter who's mouth it comes out of. Gossip is never worth the time people spend doing it!!! 

"what took you so long," was the question I was asked when I got back in the car. Instead of taking it out on her.... I hold it all in, until my dreams remind me. 

To the ones in my future: I didn't have a reason to change my ways until I stopped looking in all the wrong places and let you find me. 

A muse Meant.....

I sat on the passenger side of the truck. It was my favorite color, navy blue. You were wearing a white shirt just like on the drive to the beach!!!  Bouncing along the rolling green hills. It was some ones back yard... The lay out of the property reminded me of my Auntie Terrie G. Even the house faced the same direction when we drove down the drive way. Horses where in the front yard!!! I got out of the truck to ride one. I don't remember the color. 

Next thing i figured out was who you were talking about to the neighbors. All of them walking outside in the morning to get the paper. You walked me back inside after the woman who came and talked to you gave me a look of disappointment.... She too was wearing a white shirt! 

Than the dream fades into a bathroom. It was your bathroom because the way the light came in from the window, for some reason it had the lay out of my Aunt Vicky's house. I recognized the bath tub!!! 

The last dream I had of my her house was right after my grandma'ma died... I was sitting on the bed and she told me to find her jewelry. 

You tell me to "shhh," you didn't want me to be found You didn't want me to be taken away!!! 

It was the last thing you wanted. Having to visit me in jail!!! you said you had been there..... It's a very ugly place!!! That's why I only went once.... Saying I would never come back again!!! I'm so glad I didn't, said the same thing regaurding the drunk tank.... I went because I fought over a boy.... Who had no problem getting drugs for other girls.... Never really knowing what was mine! I wonder if he watched from the upstairs window of how I lost the cross my mother gave me.... The one I had asked for over and over again and finally unwrapped on Christmas morning.

I promised myself to one day paint it! Even had the canvas picked out.... I was so proud the day I made my own promise and kept it...yes I saw some one watching me paint, not really needing to see the persons face because I knew I was safe!!!  

Intoxication can be and is so dangerous. I would title this toxic love but the name doesn't work!! 

So, I'm an attention whore! I love the rhythm and it was the song I admitted as my own... As if it were written for me!

When people tempt me to be good or bad... I try my best, never giving up!!!