A muse Meant.....

I sat on the passenger side of the truck. It was my favorite color, navy blue. You were wearing a white shirt just like on the drive to the beach!!!  Bouncing along the rolling green hills. It was some ones back yard... The lay out of the property reminded me of my Auntie Terrie G. Even the house faced the same direction when we drove down the drive way. Horses where in the front yard!!! I got out of the truck to ride one. I don't remember the color. 

Next thing i figured out was who you were talking about to the neighbors. All of them walking outside in the morning to get the paper. You walked me back inside after the woman who came and talked to you gave me a look of disappointment.... She too was wearing a white shirt! 

Than the dream fades into a bathroom. It was your bathroom because the way the light came in from the window, for some reason it had the lay out of my Aunt Vicky's house. I recognized the bath tub!!! 

The last dream I had of my her house was right after my grandma'ma died... I was sitting on the bed and she told me to find her jewelry. 

You tell me to "shhh," you didn't want me to be found You didn't want me to be taken away!!! 

It was the last thing you wanted. Having to visit me in jail!!! you said you had been there..... It's a very ugly place!!! That's why I only went once.... Saying I would never come back again!!! I'm so glad I didn't, said the same thing regaurding the drunk tank.... I went because I fought over a boy.... Who had no problem getting drugs for other girls.... Never really knowing what was mine! I wonder if he watched from the upstairs window of how I lost the cross my mother gave me.... The one I had asked for over and over again and finally unwrapped on Christmas morning.

I promised myself to one day paint it! Even had the canvas picked out.... I was so proud the day I made my own promise and kept it...yes I saw some one watching me paint, not really needing to see the persons face because I knew I was safe!!!  

Intoxication can be and is so dangerous. I would title this toxic love but the name doesn't work!! 

So, I'm an attention whore! I love the rhythm and it was the song I admitted as my own... As if it were written for me!

When people tempt me to be good or bad... I try my best, never giving up!!!