A Forwarding Address: To Santo Cruz Subject: One Family Reunion Coming Right Up

I can't stop thinking about my vacation, who will be next to me as I travel the world? Yes, miss lily but who else? When we took the trip to pebble beach it was my mother and uncle. Since then, I have out grown them. I think of Angel and how she was needing help in English class when she was in high school. I gave her some of my owl hand outs from my class, the year I also took my intro the teaching class. After helping her she came home with a better grade. I was unknowingly tutoring back then. I think of Jessica and how she had gotten such good grades in high school even was offered the opportunity to travel with an honors class for the summer but her mother couldn't afford it. So, she didn't go. I think of Jimmy who called me "devil woman" on thanks giving because I read the bible to him (such a jerk). I was like dude why don't you ride the bus to school instead of someone driving all the way across town to pick you up? I also think of Gabriel that doesn't give Lily candy. I was washing dishes one day and heard him singing to Lily, it was way to cute. I think of Joel who is old enough to drink and also turning 25 this year.

I would say "hey Santos wanna go?" because he does so much for me, like pay my bills and clean the yard. Technically I have two who take care of Lily and I. Its only because I took care of them first that I am able to do whatever the hell i want and they foot the bill. But, there is one thing missing and I have every right to be angry about, A lack of communication. See, when you asked to marry me you had no idea what family you were marrying into. 

There is the Mendoza's, Montero's, Waits, and Moreno.  Your not my first family, because you are the best I have saved you for last. 

         Stephanie Victoria Cruz 

Life with out step dad's would be boring

First Lady of the New World

WhAt was her name?

Martha Washington

What was her life like compared to now?!? 

What did she wear? 

She wore hoop skirt. 

Yeah the man got the credit but she was the first lady!!! 

History combined with the "now" people. 

The battle of Gettysburg.... Who won? 

Union

It was Paul Revere who lite the lanterns of that fatal night!!! 

Wasn't it mrs. Gilbert's class that I made the video for and shot the gun I borrowed??? Me and grams stayed up all night practicing the poem even with parts of it missing!!! 

We shot it in the living room where there was the most light. 

Another memory I hold dear to me. Unable to forget.... It's the house I dream about and think of as home. 

It was the starting point.... Like a hive of the Montero Rent to own!!! 

Hard to break old habits.... But I do learn "new" tricks!!! 


A Guy without his own to adopt another's... That is what a dysfunctional family is all about!!! Any body can call themselves a dad, But the one's that stick around are worth celebrating! Thank you for being there and putting the pieces together of the puzzle. It looks awesome!!

Stored Energy

Stored Energy

So I'm directing it correctly but the huge issue is still the feeling of constantly being watched, and not being able to laugh! It just seems forced still! I still dont feel like I can be me. I lost me somehow, somewhere!!! Maybe it was lost lake!! Idk? I still have the shirt tucked away. I'm just Waiting for the day to sit down and have the patience to draw my lily pads and the tree I saw when I awoke from my darkest dream! I hold on to these memories to remind me how far I've come and that I still haven't found a way to express them. 

Do you remember the day I looked at you and said "I want to sit down and watch the people dance.... Just to laugh"

Well, thats cuz I don't laugh anymore. I knew going through with this was gonna be filled with tears... Doing something and finishing it. They hate to see me Hurt... I'll make it through the holidays... I gotta... Slowly pulling myself together... Boy george gotta love the originals.. They always say it best!
 
I think I've lost my funny bone or I'm just trying to hard to------
Define Creativity: Yeah thats the thing.. I'm not going off any script anymore. I got the start of my ideas and this is just my process of finishing them. It's like I'm just gonna stay till they are done. In my own studio!!! (fuck Yeah)

My Lily is adorable when she gets frustrated like me.. She said I was cute while we were cleaning the back yard!! The things I do for this child are sometimes hard to believe!!! 

Do you remember the comment I put on my old face book of finding a man that would first treat me right and then I would teach him to be a father to my child?
Well that's is what I see in my head as a happy ending!!!

S.V.M.Haggard (Aka brutally honest) #Real talk

Karma is not to be messed with, some people just learn the hard way.

Written July 26th, 2011

PAPER TRAILS..... Are worst than pictures!! I don't leave her alone for a second. While she takes a bath, I enjoy just watching her play with her toys! My mom bought me a new journal! It's so pretty! She has already given me so much!

I'm about to get the life I've dreamed of! Peace... Love... Joy....  I looked at her room and thought of what I would want as a child. She can never sleep with out a night light. So I am going to make Christmas light nettings into stars above her bed with the other lights spell her whole name! She will love living here! there will be the day of her begging to come home cuz she loves it here! I will wait till then! That will be the day of my greatest accomplishment! I constantly feel lost with out her! To have to share her is the worst idea in the World!

My family grew from hard work and long hours in the fields! I told everyone the truth if they asked or not! It caused physical pain if I didn't! And that's why they thought I was bipolar like my mother! But the truth is nothing to be ashamed of! It's what has given me back my life. To where even when I have my nightmares of reality.... I still look forward to the end of those 24 hours! Just to start the new day! With my child and her hello kitten! And I can handle my dreams.. It reminds me that I haven't fallen from God but that he is with me. Last night was the prove I needed... And the reason I have a testimony of going from Darkness into Light! That little voice of her's is so precious like a stone with out price! This Child was not given to Gilbert's family. There was no death in his family where a life needed to be replaced! Her middle name is Jennifer for Juanita Padilla Mendoza!