So Happy I could Die
This morning I gave my love ones a memory they will always remember, in front of a house built only by my family. So, if and when it is sold they can have the ability to look and say "do you remember the year StephanieLily gave the stars to us?" I would like to think it was a live performance worthy of a standing applause. I heard it as their hearts raced and listened to who is from the last of the first born in the Mendoza Family. Some traditions are priceless and meant to be shared. It's the joy of recreating life stories from old memories and make them new. Honesty doesn't set you free it makes it, all the way to the top.
A once upon a, While ago I was giving demonstrations in the Visalia Mall I kept using this catch phrase "read the message on the sticker." Yes, it's water proof. Yes, it'll bring your body to harmony. I didn't read it from a script, I just opened my mouth and started talking. Icons, neutrons blah blah blah, here in exchange for selling my thoughts give me money! Well, I took that same business strategy to a more worthy opponent. In the profile pic of my Emerald dream addition I tagged my hand with a heart and a star. With one word in the middle, First Corinthians 13:4- Charity suffereth (patience is long suffering) and is kind: Charity envieth not: Charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up. Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil. Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in truth. Beareth all things, believeth all things hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never, faith but whether there be prophecies they shall fail: whether there be knowledge it shall vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man I put away childish things (a thing is a parable) For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith hope charity these three but the greatest of these is charity.
Well, I don't know if any of this is going to make sense to you but this is what I feel about us.
Label: Con-tracks and conductors
Monday, December 26, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Safe a Livers
So I thought... Yes a troublesome past time. Came up with some rules... Decided it's time to write some more:Party Rules for invitations to my cookie dough bake sale.
#1- video must be PG.
#2- must be age regulated. Old vs. New folks! If you think your young then you are.
#3- head of household must come up with a plot for the rest of the family members to act in. (example: Lily is Little Mermaid, I'm wicked witch)
My readers I have been in your hearts, review mirrors and flat screens. This is not just a month to celebrate Christ birth but the Mrs. Montero who I answer to. I don't want to make it special in one day, I kinda would like the 12 day to Christmas effect. My blue women crew of 2012 is where I got the idea. Mercy hates pictures on Facebook so I'll spare her from posting the visual. She's pretty old school, does hand written Christmas cards. I was about to do the same thing to ask for hilarious videos from families my family has become apart of. On New Years day I plan on getting my family together to watch the DvD's you send in. Via UTubelink (missverymarykay@gmail.com) As time flys don't forget the reason why Humanity exsist.... Happy Mother's Day Remix!!!
#1- video must be PG.
#2- must be age regulated. Old vs. New folks! If you think your young then you are.
#3- head of household must come up with a plot for the rest of the family members to act in. (example: Lily is Little Mermaid, I'm wicked witch)
My readers I have been in your hearts, review mirrors and flat screens. This is not just a month to celebrate Christ birth but the Mrs. Montero who I answer to. I don't want to make it special in one day, I kinda would like the 12 day to Christmas effect. My blue women crew of 2012 is where I got the idea. Mercy hates pictures on Facebook so I'll spare her from posting the visual. She's pretty old school, does hand written Christmas cards. I was about to do the same thing to ask for hilarious videos from families my family has become apart of. On New Years day I plan on getting my family together to watch the DvD's you send in. Via UTubelink (missverymarykay@gmail.com) As time flys don't forget the reason why Humanity exsist.... Happy Mother's Day Remix!!!
Saturday, December 10, 2011
"Blank Page" Amanda D.
Revolving doors with a Shotgun as the Bell
I use to hear "there is safety in counsel." I think "why would I feel safe in counsel of people." don't people always let you down? I'm the only person who can get me what I want. I found it strange how thanksgiving Betty said "she's tried filing for a restraining order." hhhhmmmm!! There was only one person that took me to the court house. "we deal with her grandma." is another dropped line that I heard that day. No, I don't trust anyone, it's not because of what is said its from what isn't said. Behind closed doors over phones and in the other room. I will always love my family but "yes there is always a but" I trust no one. I'm not paranoid or think they are trying to keep me and Lily apart, it's just my conscience! It becomes louder when there are things out of place. Why would my family support a man I wish was dead?!? There is something not being said..... I am honest with them giving them that respect why is it not returned? Lies always come out in the end, "people only hide when there is a reason or something to hide." Even fake name's and I.D.'s
When I do something I love I do it for free. It's something about having a crime of Passion. In the movie "My sisters Keeper" the actor with connection to law-in-forcement did what he did for free because of what he believed!!! "God is no respecter of Persons" What makes us equal is the commonality we are all going to die. The only way to live on is reproductive organs!!!
Will I have another child?!? That is something idk. Only my future does.
I use to hear "there is safety in counsel." I think "why would I feel safe in counsel of people." don't people always let you down? I'm the only person who can get me what I want. I found it strange how thanksgiving Betty said "she's tried filing for a restraining order." hhhhmmmm!! There was only one person that took me to the court house. "we deal with her grandma." is another dropped line that I heard that day. No, I don't trust anyone, it's not because of what is said its from what isn't said. Behind closed doors over phones and in the other room. I will always love my family but "yes there is always a but" I trust no one. I'm not paranoid or think they are trying to keep me and Lily apart, it's just my conscience! It becomes louder when there are things out of place. Why would my family support a man I wish was dead?!? There is something not being said..... I am honest with them giving them that respect why is it not returned? Lies always come out in the end, "people only hide when there is a reason or something to hide." Even fake name's and I.D.'s
When I do something I love I do it for free. It's something about having a crime of Passion. In the movie "My sisters Keeper" the actor with connection to law-in-forcement did what he did for free because of what he believed!!! "God is no respecter of Persons" What makes us equal is the commonality we are all going to die. The only way to live on is reproductive organs!!!
Will I have another child?!? That is something idk. Only my future does.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Sofa Art
I have this plan of doing what I love and actually getting paid for it. Hhhhmmmm I'll see how it turns out. It's a shame to put a price tag on what I believe to be priceless, but we all have to face reality sometime.
Monday, December 5, 2011
A sense of Longevity!!
Cardiac Arrest
I do find it interesting that I haven't written piece on Loyalty. Since, it is something I obliviously believe in. I practice it on a daily basis. I use to have my song of the day and word of the day. Why is it that something I believe in that would be so easy for me to make a point about, I haven't done it? Huh? It would be an easy subject. A person self adsorbed is only loyal to people who are similar. Seasons greeting from Never Land. In my world of nonsense and contradictions everything is out of order, it's how I didn't plan it. That is just how it turns out. Today's plan was to ask and see if a childhood dream is possible.... Creating and collaboration is a combining of the senses! No, it's not coincidence that it is the first page of the book I'm making for Lily. It is the hardest book to even think about because I also started it in July not knowing how to finish it. Choices are easy to make.... Sticking to them was the hard part. Finding a dream to follow was easy, doing it..... Oh geeeezzze. When a dream comes true it doesn't matter how long it takes to come true, it only matters that it did. I wonder who's enjoying this more, Me or you?
I do find it interesting that I haven't written piece on Loyalty. Since, it is something I obliviously believe in. I practice it on a daily basis. I use to have my song of the day and word of the day. Why is it that something I believe in that would be so easy for me to make a point about, I haven't done it? Huh? It would be an easy subject. A person self adsorbed is only loyal to people who are similar. Seasons greeting from Never Land. In my world of nonsense and contradictions everything is out of order, it's how I didn't plan it. That is just how it turns out. Today's plan was to ask and see if a childhood dream is possible.... Creating and collaboration is a combining of the senses! No, it's not coincidence that it is the first page of the book I'm making for Lily. It is the hardest book to even think about because I also started it in July not knowing how to finish it. Choices are easy to make.... Sticking to them was the hard part. Finding a dream to follow was easy, doing it..... Oh geeeezzze. When a dream comes true it doesn't matter how long it takes to come true, it only matters that it did. I wonder who's enjoying this more, Me or you?
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Solitare is the game that comes installed on every new computer
Will you be my Study Buddy? Self proclaimed self maintained.
I'm still here.... I will never leave.... I will be here.... Knowing your with me!!
You don't realize what you have until it's gone!
Why is the show army wives keep coming to my mind like I'm suppose to watch it?!?
I thought of the last time I saw staci at Arby's with her brother Dylan!! It was right next to the recuiting station for the army!! Why are these memory making me lose control... I lay in bed and I cant hold it in...
Why why why why!! GILBERT!! To have and to hold in sickness and in health. To honor and Cherish until Death do you part. I've already died alone once, because of all the lies...."you lose customers when your not straight forward with them" Yes, Religion is a form of business.
When I saw the picture of Vivianna holding a baby in her arms standing next to you, "live a happily ever after without me in the picture if that is what you advertise; that is what you get!" Yes, I saw all the post leading up to and after my birthday. Knowing the ones that were most recent were just my battle tactic put to use!!! "copy and pasted straight from my iPhone." Lily wanted to see the cat at your house. I mean she ditched you for angry birds once already. I guess you didn't get the hint!
"Santos hits hard than you." truth hurts!! Oh well, when a Life is built on lies that is how it ends!!!!
Damn it Santos.... It shouldn't have to be this way. I shouldn't have to grow balls big enough to call you. It's like every stupid car I see I'm like is that the mop? It looks like it, I hate this. All these stupid games despite all of it, you said you could go months with out having some one... Just chill'n with your family. Well, for fuck sake thats all I've been doing and I still don't even get a glimps of you. Well except when I saw you painted the 4runner white with spray paint!!! Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I seriously hate you right now... We should be going to the mountains taking Lily and Gabriel. Just like we did last October when we went to the oaks perserve. You suck!!!
If anybody teaches Lily to fight I will tell her talk to her Dad. He thinkings he is a ninja... But the only person he ever fought with was me! And half the time was always in front of her. It didn't matter where it was! He'd drink and end up hitting me just like the night I danced with Santos. Gilbert loved walking up to me and slapping my ass while I danced!!! Lolie was the one who took the pictures of us dancing. Until I saw them I hadn't even noticed how close we were. I miss the feeling of bliss, just like the night we danced in Madera. Before Santos stood up to Gilbert while he gave us a ride home in the same Tahoe. I was snickering to myself! "wow this guy is sticking up for me and he doesn't even know what I had just been through" when I asked for his phone to break up with Gilbert.... That was when I threw up my peace sign!!!
I had got the strength to walk away!
The day I lost Santos was the day Peter came over to check on me and Gilbert was sitting on the couch. I lied to Peter wishing Gilbert had never been there! When I saw him and his chipmunck cheeks I held myself together as much as I could before my heart burst!! Ever since then it's been heart ache! Now I'm home.... And I still think of the little good times we had.
The day I wrote the poem on facebook about a dream come true I woke up gasping for breath, I couldn't believe what I had saw! But I did believe it because of who I was sleeping next to. It was Gilbert and Lily but in the poem I put my child. There are some things I like to keep to myself. I hate Gilbert because I know I'll never get over the pain he has caused, I just live with it! I know I can move on but I also know the minute I get extremely mad. I'll end up calling who ever I am mad at, Gilbert. That is the root of my hate. It's the image I have given it. It's also why I hate myself. I know there is nothing I can do to change it "i'm completely powerless!" It was what I saw in the dream of my testimony of light! Him playing with Lily and me hating it! "i thought this is what you wanted?" I went inside my house and shut the door! The next dream was with Santos, him trying to help me get away from the nightmare of repeating my past! But, I still woke up to the reality of me having to share Lily with a man that I had wasted so much time on. I didn't want to anymore! I sat in the shower and my mom asking me if Gilbert was the hole in my heart To sing to me and hold me! I told her "no he is the one that hurt me." Just like I told Rick Rush, "no problem" when he asked if I could let Gilbert Go I wiped the dust off my shoulders because I knew I was going to replace him with the thought of Santos, no matter how long it took! Just a single thought.
When you put two dominant males into one room..... There is usually only one winner! When you pair a woman to a man... The woman will always make sure she is right, even when she is wrong!!! It's best to find a way for the woman to do what she would want done for her.
I remember the story you told me about how Ryan Got Lolie back. Well, I just did my version in a blog. My imagination can take me to the ends of the Earth but I only want one best friend. Santos you piss me off to the point I'm about to move on! If I did all this in vain..... I'll not only hate you but allowed you to make a fool of me. I want a person who is on their career path, I'm on mine! Whatever you choose I will support your choice..... Just let me be apart of it!
Douche Bag you were suppose to be different from the rest! Did I seriously have to do all of this?!? No, I didn't..... But, to me you are worth it.
Fortune Cookie says "If you care enough for a result you will most certainly attain it."
I'm still here.... I will never leave.... I will be here.... Knowing your with me!!
You don't realize what you have until it's gone!
Why is the show army wives keep coming to my mind like I'm suppose to watch it?!?
I thought of the last time I saw staci at Arby's with her brother Dylan!! It was right next to the recuiting station for the army!! Why are these memory making me lose control... I lay in bed and I cant hold it in...
Why why why why!! GILBERT!! To have and to hold in sickness and in health. To honor and Cherish until Death do you part. I've already died alone once, because of all the lies...."you lose customers when your not straight forward with them" Yes, Religion is a form of business.
When I saw the picture of Vivianna holding a baby in her arms standing next to you, "live a happily ever after without me in the picture if that is what you advertise; that is what you get!" Yes, I saw all the post leading up to and after my birthday. Knowing the ones that were most recent were just my battle tactic put to use!!! "copy and pasted straight from my iPhone." Lily wanted to see the cat at your house. I mean she ditched you for angry birds once already. I guess you didn't get the hint!
"Santos hits hard than you." truth hurts!! Oh well, when a Life is built on lies that is how it ends!!!!
Damn it Santos.... It shouldn't have to be this way. I shouldn't have to grow balls big enough to call you. It's like every stupid car I see I'm like is that the mop? It looks like it, I hate this. All these stupid games despite all of it, you said you could go months with out having some one... Just chill'n with your family. Well, for fuck sake thats all I've been doing and I still don't even get a glimps of you. Well except when I saw you painted the 4runner white with spray paint!!! Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I seriously hate you right now... We should be going to the mountains taking Lily and Gabriel. Just like we did last October when we went to the oaks perserve. You suck!!!
If anybody teaches Lily to fight I will tell her talk to her Dad. He thinkings he is a ninja... But the only person he ever fought with was me! And half the time was always in front of her. It didn't matter where it was! He'd drink and end up hitting me just like the night I danced with Santos. Gilbert loved walking up to me and slapping my ass while I danced!!! Lolie was the one who took the pictures of us dancing. Until I saw them I hadn't even noticed how close we were. I miss the feeling of bliss, just like the night we danced in Madera. Before Santos stood up to Gilbert while he gave us a ride home in the same Tahoe. I was snickering to myself! "wow this guy is sticking up for me and he doesn't even know what I had just been through" when I asked for his phone to break up with Gilbert.... That was when I threw up my peace sign!!!
I had got the strength to walk away!
The day I lost Santos was the day Peter came over to check on me and Gilbert was sitting on the couch. I lied to Peter wishing Gilbert had never been there! When I saw him and his chipmunck cheeks I held myself together as much as I could before my heart burst!! Ever since then it's been heart ache! Now I'm home.... And I still think of the little good times we had.
The day I wrote the poem on facebook about a dream come true I woke up gasping for breath, I couldn't believe what I had saw! But I did believe it because of who I was sleeping next to. It was Gilbert and Lily but in the poem I put my child. There are some things I like to keep to myself. I hate Gilbert because I know I'll never get over the pain he has caused, I just live with it! I know I can move on but I also know the minute I get extremely mad. I'll end up calling who ever I am mad at, Gilbert. That is the root of my hate. It's the image I have given it. It's also why I hate myself. I know there is nothing I can do to change it "i'm completely powerless!" It was what I saw in the dream of my testimony of light! Him playing with Lily and me hating it! "i thought this is what you wanted?" I went inside my house and shut the door! The next dream was with Santos, him trying to help me get away from the nightmare of repeating my past! But, I still woke up to the reality of me having to share Lily with a man that I had wasted so much time on. I didn't want to anymore! I sat in the shower and my mom asking me if Gilbert was the hole in my heart To sing to me and hold me! I told her "no he is the one that hurt me." Just like I told Rick Rush, "no problem" when he asked if I could let Gilbert Go I wiped the dust off my shoulders because I knew I was going to replace him with the thought of Santos, no matter how long it took! Just a single thought.
When you put two dominant males into one room..... There is usually only one winner! When you pair a woman to a man... The woman will always make sure she is right, even when she is wrong!!! It's best to find a way for the woman to do what she would want done for her.
I remember the story you told me about how Ryan Got Lolie back. Well, I just did my version in a blog. My imagination can take me to the ends of the Earth but I only want one best friend. Santos you piss me off to the point I'm about to move on! If I did all this in vain..... I'll not only hate you but allowed you to make a fool of me. I want a person who is on their career path, I'm on mine! Whatever you choose I will support your choice..... Just let me be apart of it!
Douche Bag you were suppose to be different from the rest! Did I seriously have to do all of this?!? No, I didn't..... But, to me you are worth it.
Fortune Cookie says "If you care enough for a result you will most certainly attain it."
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