A thought I don't and probably will never have the strength to even utter.
"I have friends, who brought me out here to have fun. Why couldn't Gilbert ever do anything like this for me."
Josh Ballard said "did she just liter?' I had a bottle in my honesty hand and I'm not the type to let a good cold one go to waste. I gave him that look of, yeah I did what are you going to do about it.
The swim reminded me of being out at Pismo Beach, spontaneous and half ass planning. I find it so ironic how the night ended the same way with a call to my family and I mean all of them: "It's Stephanie, come quick."
I find them different because the drive to Pismo was me in the front doing what I do best; entertaining my audience, being a co-pilot. The drive to a bridge before filling the floaties with air, well let's just say "there were people getting out of the car at the gas station." It was what I had said that they couldn't believe, "They can't use this against me in court because I'm not driving, right?" I can only imagine why they got offended at my words. They didn't understand why I was so worried about my actions. They probably thought "oh now your worried about what you've been doing is wrong." See it was that same white van that ran into a grocery cart metal thingy in the parking lot of a Save Mart in Fresno. I knew that they knew of my actions before I even met them. It'll be a year on Mother's Day of me running into a white fence while the camera was in the review mirror. Words of "did you hit somebody" was what I had to answer to. Along with "call the Police of blah blah blah and tell them what happened." So, I picked up the phone and said "I will do anything to prove that I am innocent. I will take a lie detector test if I have to." The person on the line should have said " there is no need you did nothing wrong."
The simplest thing to just get drunk and enjoy the sunset is what most people look forward to at the end of the day. It doesn't matter what language you speak or how many zeros are in your pay check, to take the time and relax. Is exactly what happened while I thought "Finally, I have people around that I feel comfortable enough to be myself, life is good." I encourage you to ask those around me at the time if there was any unhappiness in my mood. When I filled my lungs with a liquid instead of air, it was peaceful and painless, most are not that lucky. I know this because of what was told to me in my dreams. Yes, I believe God can speak in so many ways and will answer a prayer of granting me more Faith knowing when I was ready for it. Even sitting pool side the next day "You still got that happy thought?" was what my ultra ego asked, my reply was "yup". A drawing in charcoal with an inscription above it "I will remove this heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." The man I saw yesterday at the C.O.S.gallery was the one who lent me his ear and I told him words he would never forget, I also encourage you to ask him what those words are.
Recently, I have been ordered to take a day off something about Abe Lincolns Birthday. Do I compare my life to his, "no." Do I know that by careful planning and accepting my role in society, as a author: that my life will most definitely be regarded as a miracle, "yes." Could I have done this transfiguration on my own, "never."
Am I going to live a happily ever after and travel the world signing the hard cover version of this "maybe."
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Completely Virual transferring accounts
My Response to Gilbert Moreno:
Have I, Stephanie V. Montero, complied with the recent court order to your knowledge?
Have you or have you not received the holidays you requested Lilyan, our daughter, with the exception of Thanksgiving?
Do you or do not pay my grandmother, Mercy Montero an average of $200 a month, from you Chase bank in the form of money orders?
Do you remember how much you would ask from me to pay your cell phone bill in November 2010? Was it or was it not a form of black mail because you threatened to tell Santos Cruz, my x-boyfriend that we had sex.
Were you aware there is a law that I was unable to file for child support because I was on Welfare and that was the reason I cancalled my benefits in May 2011. Also at the time I was working for Extreme Energy.
I also find it a odd that when you texted me in June 2011 to tell me that Justin's baby was born at 7am that morning. Which I replied "not my problem." Is it true or false that it was your child born that morning?
I find it a very big flaw with joint custody to take Lilyan anywhere out of Visalia, CA. After I finish school I would like to travel with no worries of not having Lilyan with me. I move the court to grant me full physical custody.
Despite my past relationship with Gilbert Moreno, I believe it will only hurt her by taking him out of her life completely. So, visitation should continue as they are now.
My last and final request is child support in the amount of $700 due on Feburary 3rd. 2012; on top of continuing the payments to Mercy Montero so that Lilyan will have a college fund. She is a very smart little girl and loves school.
Now, on a personal note to end this, "did you ever have to ask for forgiveness before I granted it?"
You and I already both know the answer to that.
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxozoxoox,
S.V.M.
Have I, Stephanie V. Montero, complied with the recent court order to your knowledge?
Have you or have you not received the holidays you requested Lilyan, our daughter, with the exception of Thanksgiving?
Do you or do not pay my grandmother, Mercy Montero an average of $200 a month, from you Chase bank in the form of money orders?
Do you remember how much you would ask from me to pay your cell phone bill in November 2010? Was it or was it not a form of black mail because you threatened to tell Santos Cruz, my x-boyfriend that we had sex.
Were you aware there is a law that I was unable to file for child support because I was on Welfare and that was the reason I cancalled my benefits in May 2011. Also at the time I was working for Extreme Energy.
I also find it a odd that when you texted me in June 2011 to tell me that Justin's baby was born at 7am that morning. Which I replied "not my problem." Is it true or false that it was your child born that morning?
I find it a very big flaw with joint custody to take Lilyan anywhere out of Visalia, CA. After I finish school I would like to travel with no worries of not having Lilyan with me. I move the court to grant me full physical custody.
Despite my past relationship with Gilbert Moreno, I believe it will only hurt her by taking him out of her life completely. So, visitation should continue as they are now.
My last and final request is child support in the amount of $700 due on Feburary 3rd. 2012; on top of continuing the payments to Mercy Montero so that Lilyan will have a college fund. She is a very smart little girl and loves school.
Now, on a personal note to end this, "did you ever have to ask for forgiveness before I granted it?"
You and I already both know the answer to that.
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxozoxoox,
S.V.M.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
I wish I was never there.... A simple choice to stay home would have saved me
Dust off butterfliy's wing
If you thunk about it from my point of view. If I didn't begin to breathe all that would have been left of me is those videos. The ironic thing about the shoes I wore with my harvest dress...... I also wore with a white dress when I baptized Lily on October 26, 2008.
There is a saying becareful what you wish for. Even my prom dress was a little black dress was a little black dress. If you look closely I wore the same type of shoe. I can't imagine anyone wanting to be in my shoes. I set standards pretty high.
In my eyes I deserve a porshe speedster, Just like the one James dean had. He also died at the age of 24. In "the hall" i saw A movie called East of Eden, never knowing the star was James Dean. Yes, it made a huge impression on me. A very damn good movie dispite where I first saw it.
After I Sit back and anlasy the situation of just a few hours ago, I've come to the conclusion of what made me freak out and beg to move from such a horrific place. It was the image of my own blood betraying me. A sight I never thought I would have to undure since I had already dreamed about it. I think to myself, "my family loves me, they don't want to hurt me." it's what any child would want to think. Yes, it's what I want to say, but actions speak so much louder than words. So, for all of those that also were a witness to my betrayal please be a little patience with me while I recover from another heart breaking truth, I've come so far and feel like I've been pushed ten steps back.
If you thunk about it from my point of view. If I didn't begin to breathe all that would have been left of me is those videos. The ironic thing about the shoes I wore with my harvest dress...... I also wore with a white dress when I baptized Lily on October 26, 2008.
There is a saying becareful what you wish for. Even my prom dress was a little black dress was a little black dress. If you look closely I wore the same type of shoe. I can't imagine anyone wanting to be in my shoes. I set standards pretty high.
In my eyes I deserve a porshe speedster, Just like the one James dean had. He also died at the age of 24. In "the hall" i saw A movie called East of Eden, never knowing the star was James Dean. Yes, it made a huge impression on me. A very damn good movie dispite where I first saw it.
After I Sit back and anlasy the situation of just a few hours ago, I've come to the conclusion of what made me freak out and beg to move from such a horrific place. It was the image of my own blood betraying me. A sight I never thought I would have to undure since I had already dreamed about it. I think to myself, "my family loves me, they don't want to hurt me." it's what any child would want to think. Yes, it's what I want to say, but actions speak so much louder than words. So, for all of those that also were a witness to my betrayal please be a little patience with me while I recover from another heart breaking truth, I've come so far and feel like I've been pushed ten steps back.
Monday, December 26, 2011
My favorite jail broken theme
So Happy I could Die
This morning I gave my love ones a memory they will always remember, in front of a house built only by my family. So, if and when it is sold they can have the ability to look and say "do you remember the year StephanieLily gave the stars to us?" I would like to think it was a live performance worthy of a standing applause. I heard it as their hearts raced and listened to who is from the last of the first born in the Mendoza Family. Some traditions are priceless and meant to be shared. It's the joy of recreating life stories from old memories and make them new. Honesty doesn't set you free it makes it, all the way to the top.
A once upon a, While ago I was giving demonstrations in the Visalia Mall I kept using this catch phrase "read the message on the sticker." Yes, it's water proof. Yes, it'll bring your body to harmony. I didn't read it from a script, I just opened my mouth and started talking. Icons, neutrons blah blah blah, here in exchange for selling my thoughts give me money! Well, I took that same business strategy to a more worthy opponent. In the profile pic of my Emerald dream addition I tagged my hand with a heart and a star. With one word in the middle, First Corinthians 13:4- Charity suffereth (patience is long suffering) and is kind: Charity envieth not: Charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up. Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil. Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in truth. Beareth all things, believeth all things hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never, faith but whether there be prophecies they shall fail: whether there be knowledge it shall vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man I put away childish things (a thing is a parable) For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith hope charity these three but the greatest of these is charity.
Well, I don't know if any of this is going to make sense to you but this is what I feel about us.
Label: Con-tracks and conductors
This morning I gave my love ones a memory they will always remember, in front of a house built only by my family. So, if and when it is sold they can have the ability to look and say "do you remember the year StephanieLily gave the stars to us?" I would like to think it was a live performance worthy of a standing applause. I heard it as their hearts raced and listened to who is from the last of the first born in the Mendoza Family. Some traditions are priceless and meant to be shared. It's the joy of recreating life stories from old memories and make them new. Honesty doesn't set you free it makes it, all the way to the top.
A once upon a, While ago I was giving demonstrations in the Visalia Mall I kept using this catch phrase "read the message on the sticker." Yes, it's water proof. Yes, it'll bring your body to harmony. I didn't read it from a script, I just opened my mouth and started talking. Icons, neutrons blah blah blah, here in exchange for selling my thoughts give me money! Well, I took that same business strategy to a more worthy opponent. In the profile pic of my Emerald dream addition I tagged my hand with a heart and a star. With one word in the middle, First Corinthians 13:4- Charity suffereth (patience is long suffering) and is kind: Charity envieth not: Charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up. Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil. Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in truth. Beareth all things, believeth all things hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never, faith but whether there be prophecies they shall fail: whether there be knowledge it shall vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man I put away childish things (a thing is a parable) For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith hope charity these three but the greatest of these is charity.
Well, I don't know if any of this is going to make sense to you but this is what I feel about us.
Label: Con-tracks and conductors
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Safe a Livers
So I thought... Yes a troublesome past time. Came up with some rules... Decided it's time to write some more:Party Rules for invitations to my cookie dough bake sale.
#1- video must be PG.
#2- must be age regulated. Old vs. New folks! If you think your young then you are.
#3- head of household must come up with a plot for the rest of the family members to act in. (example: Lily is Little Mermaid, I'm wicked witch)
My readers I have been in your hearts, review mirrors and flat screens. This is not just a month to celebrate Christ birth but the Mrs. Montero who I answer to. I don't want to make it special in one day, I kinda would like the 12 day to Christmas effect. My blue women crew of 2012 is where I got the idea. Mercy hates pictures on Facebook so I'll spare her from posting the visual. She's pretty old school, does hand written Christmas cards. I was about to do the same thing to ask for hilarious videos from families my family has become apart of. On New Years day I plan on getting my family together to watch the DvD's you send in. Via UTubelink (missverymarykay@gmail.com) As time flys don't forget the reason why Humanity exsist.... Happy Mother's Day Remix!!!
#1- video must be PG.
#2- must be age regulated. Old vs. New folks! If you think your young then you are.
#3- head of household must come up with a plot for the rest of the family members to act in. (example: Lily is Little Mermaid, I'm wicked witch)
My readers I have been in your hearts, review mirrors and flat screens. This is not just a month to celebrate Christ birth but the Mrs. Montero who I answer to. I don't want to make it special in one day, I kinda would like the 12 day to Christmas effect. My blue women crew of 2012 is where I got the idea. Mercy hates pictures on Facebook so I'll spare her from posting the visual. She's pretty old school, does hand written Christmas cards. I was about to do the same thing to ask for hilarious videos from families my family has become apart of. On New Years day I plan on getting my family together to watch the DvD's you send in. Via UTubelink (missverymarykay@gmail.com) As time flys don't forget the reason why Humanity exsist.... Happy Mother's Day Remix!!!
Saturday, December 10, 2011
"Blank Page" Amanda D.
Revolving doors with a Shotgun as the Bell
I use to hear "there is safety in counsel." I think "why would I feel safe in counsel of people." don't people always let you down? I'm the only person who can get me what I want. I found it strange how thanksgiving Betty said "she's tried filing for a restraining order." hhhhmmmm!! There was only one person that took me to the court house. "we deal with her grandma." is another dropped line that I heard that day. No, I don't trust anyone, it's not because of what is said its from what isn't said. Behind closed doors over phones and in the other room. I will always love my family but "yes there is always a but" I trust no one. I'm not paranoid or think they are trying to keep me and Lily apart, it's just my conscience! It becomes louder when there are things out of place. Why would my family support a man I wish was dead?!? There is something not being said..... I am honest with them giving them that respect why is it not returned? Lies always come out in the end, "people only hide when there is a reason or something to hide." Even fake name's and I.D.'s
When I do something I love I do it for free. It's something about having a crime of Passion. In the movie "My sisters Keeper" the actor with connection to law-in-forcement did what he did for free because of what he believed!!! "God is no respecter of Persons" What makes us equal is the commonality we are all going to die. The only way to live on is reproductive organs!!!
Will I have another child?!? That is something idk. Only my future does.
I use to hear "there is safety in counsel." I think "why would I feel safe in counsel of people." don't people always let you down? I'm the only person who can get me what I want. I found it strange how thanksgiving Betty said "she's tried filing for a restraining order." hhhhmmmm!! There was only one person that took me to the court house. "we deal with her grandma." is another dropped line that I heard that day. No, I don't trust anyone, it's not because of what is said its from what isn't said. Behind closed doors over phones and in the other room. I will always love my family but "yes there is always a but" I trust no one. I'm not paranoid or think they are trying to keep me and Lily apart, it's just my conscience! It becomes louder when there are things out of place. Why would my family support a man I wish was dead?!? There is something not being said..... I am honest with them giving them that respect why is it not returned? Lies always come out in the end, "people only hide when there is a reason or something to hide." Even fake name's and I.D.'s
When I do something I love I do it for free. It's something about having a crime of Passion. In the movie "My sisters Keeper" the actor with connection to law-in-forcement did what he did for free because of what he believed!!! "God is no respecter of Persons" What makes us equal is the commonality we are all going to die. The only way to live on is reproductive organs!!!
Will I have another child?!? That is something idk. Only my future does.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Sofa Art
I have this plan of doing what I love and actually getting paid for it. Hhhhmmmm I'll see how it turns out. It's a shame to put a price tag on what I believe to be priceless, but we all have to face reality sometime.
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