A short conversation over the tin cans and string,
Stephanie- hello hello,
Jessie Montero- yes yes I can hear you no need to yell.
S-would you do me the honor of walking me down the isle?
J- cough cough cough, what!!!
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
A refreshed memory
As I thought of the Tulare County Fair grounds and how many times I had been there. Once was for Emerald, over the microphone I had heard "come dance this is a girls dream." I had told Emerge Listen I would like to be a Gogo, I can dance and all I need is a D.J., I had set it up that I would come out with my name Patience. Emerge came up to me near the watering hole and trie to get my attention, I gave him a pause finger as I walked away and fixed my dress. I turned around and he was gone. After I walked to the side of the stage and saw this painting of the Emerlad city of Oz. Not done by star gaze mafia(loser name) but Gabriel himself. We bother looked at it and he said he ddnt like it. I said "it doesn't even look like your style."
So, the night went on and I finally ran out of energy. I meet Carlos and James and then of course my ride Vincent was waiting to take me to the after party. So, there I was again. This time with Cherry and Josh and the older Welch sister and her man. I walked up to Gabriel again and looked at his painting and ask where the lion was.
If you remember from the movie and book why the lion went to the great wizard in the first place, for a red badge of courage.
So, while at the after party Gabe started painting his version of that lion, over the Emerald
city to where it could be no long visible. Now, if you look at the original painting, look at it in a different light. Not the one that was recreated behind mooney ink but the one I was there for and the one I love. The one that was painted while I danced the night away.
So, the night went on and I finally ran out of energy. I meet Carlos and James and then of course my ride Vincent was waiting to take me to the after party. So, there I was again. This time with Cherry and Josh and the older Welch sister and her man. I walked up to Gabriel again and looked at his painting and ask where the lion was.
If you remember from the movie and book why the lion went to the great wizard in the first place, for a red badge of courage.
So, while at the after party Gabe started painting his version of that lion, over the Emerald
city to where it could be no long visible. Now, if you look at the original painting, look at it in a different light. Not the one that was recreated behind mooney ink but the one I was there for and the one I love. The one that was painted while I danced the night away.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
A Forwarding Address: To Santo Cruz Subject: One Family Reunion Coming Right Up
I can't stop thinking about my vacation, who will be next to me as I travel the world? Yes, miss lily but who else? When we took the trip to pebble beach it was my mother and uncle. Since then, I have out grown them. I think of Angel and how she was needing help in English class when she was in high school. I gave her some of my owl hand outs from my class, the year I also took my intro the teaching class. After helping her she came home with a better grade. I was unknowingly tutoring back then. I think of Jessica and how she had gotten such good grades in high school even was offered the opportunity to travel with an honors class for the summer but her mother couldn't afford it. So, she didn't go. I think of Jimmy who called me "devil woman" on thanks giving because I read the bible to him (such a jerk). I was like dude why don't you ride the bus to school instead of someone driving all the way across town to pick you up? I also think of Gabriel that doesn't give Lily candy. I was washing dishes one day and heard him singing to Lily, it was way to cute. I think of Joel who is old enough to drink and also turning 25 this year.
I would say "hey Santos wanna go?" because he does so much for me, like pay my bills and clean the yard. Technically I have two who take care of Lily and I. Its only because I took care of them first that I am able to do whatever the hell i want and they foot the bill. But, there is one thing missing and I have every right to be angry about, A lack of communication. See, when you asked to marry me you had no idea what family you were marrying into.
There is the Mendoza's, Montero's, Waits, and Moreno. Your not my first family, because you are the best I have saved you for last.
Stephanie Victoria Cruz
I would say "hey Santos wanna go?" because he does so much for me, like pay my bills and clean the yard. Technically I have two who take care of Lily and I. Its only because I took care of them first that I am able to do whatever the hell i want and they foot the bill. But, there is one thing missing and I have every right to be angry about, A lack of communication. See, when you asked to marry me you had no idea what family you were marrying into.
There is the Mendoza's, Montero's, Waits, and Moreno. Your not my first family, because you are the best I have saved you for last.
Stephanie Victoria Cruz
Saturday, February 11, 2012
To: Some Girls have all the Luckl
A thought I don't and probably will never have the strength to even utter.
"I have friends, who brought me out here to have fun. Why couldn't Gilbert ever do anything like this for me."
Josh Ballard said "did she just liter?' I had a bottle in my honesty hand and I'm not the type to let a good cold one go to waste. I gave him that look of, yeah I did what are you going to do about it.
The swim reminded me of being out at Pismo Beach, spontaneous and half ass planning. I find it so ironic how the night ended the same way with a call to my family and I mean all of them: "It's Stephanie, come quick."
I find them different because the drive to Pismo was me in the front doing what I do best; entertaining my audience, being a co-pilot. The drive to a bridge before filling the floaties with air, well let's just say "there were people getting out of the car at the gas station." It was what I had said that they couldn't believe, "They can't use this against me in court because I'm not driving, right?" I can only imagine why they got offended at my words. They didn't understand why I was so worried about my actions. They probably thought "oh now your worried about what you've been doing is wrong." See it was that same white van that ran into a grocery cart metal thingy in the parking lot of a Save Mart in Fresno. I knew that they knew of my actions before I even met them. It'll be a year on Mother's Day of me running into a white fence while the camera was in the review mirror. Words of "did you hit somebody" was what I had to answer to. Along with "call the Police of blah blah blah and tell them what happened." So, I picked up the phone and said "I will do anything to prove that I am innocent. I will take a lie detector test if I have to." The person on the line should have said " there is no need you did nothing wrong."
The simplest thing to just get drunk and enjoy the sunset is what most people look forward to at the end of the day. It doesn't matter what language you speak or how many zeros are in your pay check, to take the time and relax. Is exactly what happened while I thought "Finally, I have people around that I feel comfortable enough to be myself, life is good." I encourage you to ask those around me at the time if there was any unhappiness in my mood. When I filled my lungs with a liquid instead of air, it was peaceful and painless, most are not that lucky. I know this because of what was told to me in my dreams. Yes, I believe God can speak in so many ways and will answer a prayer of granting me more Faith knowing when I was ready for it. Even sitting pool side the next day "You still got that happy thought?" was what my ultra ego asked, my reply was "yup". A drawing in charcoal with an inscription above it "I will remove this heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." The man I saw yesterday at the C.O.S.gallery was the one who lent me his ear and I told him words he would never forget, I also encourage you to ask him what those words are.
Recently, I have been ordered to take a day off something about Abe Lincolns Birthday. Do I compare my life to his, "no." Do I know that by careful planning and accepting my role in society, as a author: that my life will most definitely be regarded as a miracle, "yes." Could I have done this transfiguration on my own, "never."
Am I going to live a happily ever after and travel the world signing the hard cover version of this "maybe."
"I have friends, who brought me out here to have fun. Why couldn't Gilbert ever do anything like this for me."
Josh Ballard said "did she just liter?' I had a bottle in my honesty hand and I'm not the type to let a good cold one go to waste. I gave him that look of, yeah I did what are you going to do about it.
The swim reminded me of being out at Pismo Beach, spontaneous and half ass planning. I find it so ironic how the night ended the same way with a call to my family and I mean all of them: "It's Stephanie, come quick."
I find them different because the drive to Pismo was me in the front doing what I do best; entertaining my audience, being a co-pilot. The drive to a bridge before filling the floaties with air, well let's just say "there were people getting out of the car at the gas station." It was what I had said that they couldn't believe, "They can't use this against me in court because I'm not driving, right?" I can only imagine why they got offended at my words. They didn't understand why I was so worried about my actions. They probably thought "oh now your worried about what you've been doing is wrong." See it was that same white van that ran into a grocery cart metal thingy in the parking lot of a Save Mart in Fresno. I knew that they knew of my actions before I even met them. It'll be a year on Mother's Day of me running into a white fence while the camera was in the review mirror. Words of "did you hit somebody" was what I had to answer to. Along with "call the Police of blah blah blah and tell them what happened." So, I picked up the phone and said "I will do anything to prove that I am innocent. I will take a lie detector test if I have to." The person on the line should have said " there is no need you did nothing wrong."
The simplest thing to just get drunk and enjoy the sunset is what most people look forward to at the end of the day. It doesn't matter what language you speak or how many zeros are in your pay check, to take the time and relax. Is exactly what happened while I thought "Finally, I have people around that I feel comfortable enough to be myself, life is good." I encourage you to ask those around me at the time if there was any unhappiness in my mood. When I filled my lungs with a liquid instead of air, it was peaceful and painless, most are not that lucky. I know this because of what was told to me in my dreams. Yes, I believe God can speak in so many ways and will answer a prayer of granting me more Faith knowing when I was ready for it. Even sitting pool side the next day "You still got that happy thought?" was what my ultra ego asked, my reply was "yup". A drawing in charcoal with an inscription above it "I will remove this heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." The man I saw yesterday at the C.O.S.gallery was the one who lent me his ear and I told him words he would never forget, I also encourage you to ask him what those words are.
Recently, I have been ordered to take a day off something about Abe Lincolns Birthday. Do I compare my life to his, "no." Do I know that by careful planning and accepting my role in society, as a author: that my life will most definitely be regarded as a miracle, "yes." Could I have done this transfiguration on my own, "never."
Am I going to live a happily ever after and travel the world signing the hard cover version of this "maybe."
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Completely Virual transferring accounts
My Response to Gilbert Moreno:
Have I, Stephanie V. Montero, complied with the recent court order to your knowledge?
Have you or have you not received the holidays you requested Lilyan, our daughter, with the exception of Thanksgiving?
Do you or do not pay my grandmother, Mercy Montero an average of $200 a month, from you Chase bank in the form of money orders?
Do you remember how much you would ask from me to pay your cell phone bill in November 2010? Was it or was it not a form of black mail because you threatened to tell Santos Cruz, my x-boyfriend that we had sex.
Were you aware there is a law that I was unable to file for child support because I was on Welfare and that was the reason I cancalled my benefits in May 2011. Also at the time I was working for Extreme Energy.
I also find it a odd that when you texted me in June 2011 to tell me that Justin's baby was born at 7am that morning. Which I replied "not my problem." Is it true or false that it was your child born that morning?
I find it a very big flaw with joint custody to take Lilyan anywhere out of Visalia, CA. After I finish school I would like to travel with no worries of not having Lilyan with me. I move the court to grant me full physical custody.
Despite my past relationship with Gilbert Moreno, I believe it will only hurt her by taking him out of her life completely. So, visitation should continue as they are now.
My last and final request is child support in the amount of $700 due on Feburary 3rd. 2012; on top of continuing the payments to Mercy Montero so that Lilyan will have a college fund. She is a very smart little girl and loves school.
Now, on a personal note to end this, "did you ever have to ask for forgiveness before I granted it?"
You and I already both know the answer to that.
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxozoxoox,
S.V.M.
Have I, Stephanie V. Montero, complied with the recent court order to your knowledge?
Have you or have you not received the holidays you requested Lilyan, our daughter, with the exception of Thanksgiving?
Do you or do not pay my grandmother, Mercy Montero an average of $200 a month, from you Chase bank in the form of money orders?
Do you remember how much you would ask from me to pay your cell phone bill in November 2010? Was it or was it not a form of black mail because you threatened to tell Santos Cruz, my x-boyfriend that we had sex.
Were you aware there is a law that I was unable to file for child support because I was on Welfare and that was the reason I cancalled my benefits in May 2011. Also at the time I was working for Extreme Energy.
I also find it a odd that when you texted me in June 2011 to tell me that Justin's baby was born at 7am that morning. Which I replied "not my problem." Is it true or false that it was your child born that morning?
I find it a very big flaw with joint custody to take Lilyan anywhere out of Visalia, CA. After I finish school I would like to travel with no worries of not having Lilyan with me. I move the court to grant me full physical custody.
Despite my past relationship with Gilbert Moreno, I believe it will only hurt her by taking him out of her life completely. So, visitation should continue as they are now.
My last and final request is child support in the amount of $700 due on Feburary 3rd. 2012; on top of continuing the payments to Mercy Montero so that Lilyan will have a college fund. She is a very smart little girl and loves school.
Now, on a personal note to end this, "did you ever have to ask for forgiveness before I granted it?"
You and I already both know the answer to that.
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxozoxoox,
S.V.M.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
I wish I was never there.... A simple choice to stay home would have saved me
Dust off butterfliy's wing
If you thunk about it from my point of view. If I didn't begin to breathe all that would have been left of me is those videos. The ironic thing about the shoes I wore with my harvest dress...... I also wore with a white dress when I baptized Lily on October 26, 2008.
There is a saying becareful what you wish for. Even my prom dress was a little black dress was a little black dress. If you look closely I wore the same type of shoe. I can't imagine anyone wanting to be in my shoes. I set standards pretty high.
In my eyes I deserve a porshe speedster, Just like the one James dean had. He also died at the age of 24. In "the hall" i saw A movie called East of Eden, never knowing the star was James Dean. Yes, it made a huge impression on me. A very damn good movie dispite where I first saw it.
After I Sit back and anlasy the situation of just a few hours ago, I've come to the conclusion of what made me freak out and beg to move from such a horrific place. It was the image of my own blood betraying me. A sight I never thought I would have to undure since I had already dreamed about it. I think to myself, "my family loves me, they don't want to hurt me." it's what any child would want to think. Yes, it's what I want to say, but actions speak so much louder than words. So, for all of those that also were a witness to my betrayal please be a little patience with me while I recover from another heart breaking truth, I've come so far and feel like I've been pushed ten steps back.
If you thunk about it from my point of view. If I didn't begin to breathe all that would have been left of me is those videos. The ironic thing about the shoes I wore with my harvest dress...... I also wore with a white dress when I baptized Lily on October 26, 2008.
There is a saying becareful what you wish for. Even my prom dress was a little black dress was a little black dress. If you look closely I wore the same type of shoe. I can't imagine anyone wanting to be in my shoes. I set standards pretty high.
In my eyes I deserve a porshe speedster, Just like the one James dean had. He also died at the age of 24. In "the hall" i saw A movie called East of Eden, never knowing the star was James Dean. Yes, it made a huge impression on me. A very damn good movie dispite where I first saw it.
After I Sit back and anlasy the situation of just a few hours ago, I've come to the conclusion of what made me freak out and beg to move from such a horrific place. It was the image of my own blood betraying me. A sight I never thought I would have to undure since I had already dreamed about it. I think to myself, "my family loves me, they don't want to hurt me." it's what any child would want to think. Yes, it's what I want to say, but actions speak so much louder than words. So, for all of those that also were a witness to my betrayal please be a little patience with me while I recover from another heart breaking truth, I've come so far and feel like I've been pushed ten steps back.
Monday, December 26, 2011
My favorite jail broken theme
So Happy I could Die
This morning I gave my love ones a memory they will always remember, in front of a house built only by my family. So, if and when it is sold they can have the ability to look and say "do you remember the year StephanieLily gave the stars to us?" I would like to think it was a live performance worthy of a standing applause. I heard it as their hearts raced and listened to who is from the last of the first born in the Mendoza Family. Some traditions are priceless and meant to be shared. It's the joy of recreating life stories from old memories and make them new. Honesty doesn't set you free it makes it, all the way to the top.
A once upon a, While ago I was giving demonstrations in the Visalia Mall I kept using this catch phrase "read the message on the sticker." Yes, it's water proof. Yes, it'll bring your body to harmony. I didn't read it from a script, I just opened my mouth and started talking. Icons, neutrons blah blah blah, here in exchange for selling my thoughts give me money! Well, I took that same business strategy to a more worthy opponent. In the profile pic of my Emerald dream addition I tagged my hand with a heart and a star. With one word in the middle, First Corinthians 13:4- Charity suffereth (patience is long suffering) and is kind: Charity envieth not: Charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up. Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil. Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in truth. Beareth all things, believeth all things hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never, faith but whether there be prophecies they shall fail: whether there be knowledge it shall vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man I put away childish things (a thing is a parable) For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith hope charity these three but the greatest of these is charity.
Well, I don't know if any of this is going to make sense to you but this is what I feel about us.
Label: Con-tracks and conductors
This morning I gave my love ones a memory they will always remember, in front of a house built only by my family. So, if and when it is sold they can have the ability to look and say "do you remember the year StephanieLily gave the stars to us?" I would like to think it was a live performance worthy of a standing applause. I heard it as their hearts raced and listened to who is from the last of the first born in the Mendoza Family. Some traditions are priceless and meant to be shared. It's the joy of recreating life stories from old memories and make them new. Honesty doesn't set you free it makes it, all the way to the top.
A once upon a, While ago I was giving demonstrations in the Visalia Mall I kept using this catch phrase "read the message on the sticker." Yes, it's water proof. Yes, it'll bring your body to harmony. I didn't read it from a script, I just opened my mouth and started talking. Icons, neutrons blah blah blah, here in exchange for selling my thoughts give me money! Well, I took that same business strategy to a more worthy opponent. In the profile pic of my Emerald dream addition I tagged my hand with a heart and a star. With one word in the middle, First Corinthians 13:4- Charity suffereth (patience is long suffering) and is kind: Charity envieth not: Charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up. Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil. Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in truth. Beareth all things, believeth all things hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never, faith but whether there be prophecies they shall fail: whether there be knowledge it shall vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man I put away childish things (a thing is a parable) For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith hope charity these three but the greatest of these is charity.
Well, I don't know if any of this is going to make sense to you but this is what I feel about us.
Label: Con-tracks and conductors
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