Girls Vs. A Woman

Creating alternative endings 

Its always the same ending when I wake up from a nightmare. Just to continue another. Waking up seeing shadows..... Believing they are familiar figures. Replaying the end of the world, until I come to the point when I see a face. I no longer run from it but I do hate every minute that is spent in front of it. No words can be arranged together of how I do regret every year that passed by and I replayed that role of being his. There Is no good memory I can think of when my life was a nightmare. That is why I try to replace these ugly memories with good ones!!! But my dreams remind me of a past I can not escape. Thankfully I have her to keep me going. 

It's a very ugly thing but everyone has been through something similar. 

I wonder what the girl at the grocery store was trying to point out, when I said "I wasn't looking" the respons was "that's what they said at gold diggers..."

Was she directing the comment towards the guy in line, or me?!? 

Jealousy is ugly no matter who's mouth it comes out of. Gossip is never worth the time people spend doing it!!! 

"what took you so long," was the question I was asked when I got back in the car. Instead of taking it out on her.... I hold it all in, until my dreams remind me. 

To the ones in my future: I didn't have a reason to change my ways until I stopped looking in all the wrong places and let you find me. 

Life with out step dad's would be boring

First Lady of the New World

WhAt was her name?

Martha Washington

What was her life like compared to now?!? 

What did she wear? 

She wore hoop skirt. 

Yeah the man got the credit but she was the first lady!!! 

History combined with the "now" people. 

The battle of Gettysburg.... Who won? 

Union

It was Paul Revere who lite the lanterns of that fatal night!!! 

Wasn't it mrs. Gilbert's class that I made the video for and shot the gun I borrowed??? Me and grams stayed up all night practicing the poem even with parts of it missing!!! 

We shot it in the living room where there was the most light. 

Another memory I hold dear to me. Unable to forget.... It's the house I dream about and think of as home. 

It was the starting point.... Like a hive of the Montero Rent to own!!! 

Hard to break old habits.... But I do learn "new" tricks!!! 


A Guy without his own to adopt another's... That is what a dysfunctional family is all about!!! Any body can call themselves a dad, But the one's that stick around are worth celebrating! Thank you for being there and putting the pieces together of the puzzle. It looks awesome!!

I had my Palms read once

I love art. I listen to booming headphones while I write about something poetic and also entertaining. My topic is about the Arena Chapel, Padua in Italy. 

The short version of the story is known for the family dedicating the chapel in hopes to be forgiven of the father's sin (greed). The focus is not be on the reason for the art just the walls themselves tell a beautiful story!  

I can relate to this because of my so called sins even in the place I call my home. I remember a time when I believed that it didn't matter what a person did as a "job" just as long as I was putting God first and took care of those I loved!! 

A childish thought of loving God maybe, Or was it I just hadn't realized my full potential as an artist?!? 

I remember a time when the natural high would hit and I called that worshiping God because I was loving what I did and wasn't doing it for anybody else's pressure except my own!!! 

When Giotto painted this magnificent chapel do you think he knew we the future generation would still be talking about his "art" 
I highly doubt it. I didn't think my life would get so out of control either!!  

I look around the valley (this so very multicultural land I love) but feel no love!!! I think of my old teachers, mentors and friends. I'm sorry you find it so hard to believe I've changed. I'm silent when you look at me because I don't know what you want to hear. I think I talk about myself enough in this blog!! Hoping one day to finish it! 

But that I also highly doubt it!!! Maybe I will find something else to  occupy my time but for now.... Suffer!!! 

Going for the finish line despite the tackles

I don't think I'm penniless... I think I just wasted my money on others... I say I'm a mean machine... But that's cuz you can't read my heart only who you think I'm talking about! I got something in more than my bone marrow. A soul and love for something that I had to realize was a art. Only excepting in certain genres. I'm the best at both worlds. Give me a role to play... I'll give it 100%!!! 

Because of technology, I have been seen in every living room! Now heard with a voice with more than a moan. Learning to protect those who I love the most by name changing!!! Associating with a in good crowd. "underdogs with more brain's than body's" hard core 49er fans!!! I think fast... My mom type's faster.... Life in the fast lane but I thought car pool just seemed more Eco... Friendly!!! 

I wonder what else they have been keeping from me? 

My mind can drift into oblivion sometimes. Eventually I come back to earth... 

I remember watching Earth 2... A very old tv show! Si-fi especially late night is awesome!! 

I think about my Pa more than ever. It always happens around our favorite holiday!! The more I focus on him it becomes clear why so many tried to help me. He was a great man!! He saved lives. I'm a home wrecker, Oh geezzz!! I write down every little thing I can about him so I don't forget!!! Katrina and Michael were the one's who wrote down his memory's while he went to treatment. I couldn't help being so young when he died!! 


Saw the picture today I was thinking of when I wrote this tribute remix right about his son..... Love you!!! More

The Riddler

Lights Out!!! 

It's not a rap it's a rythm... With no silicon in this behind... All real no fillers... Just plain Jane!! 

You don't feel the pain cuz you don't see it!!! 

Even when it's right in front of you.... I learned from the best a poker face that is not like the rest!!!

To you remember the day I laid on the couch and asked if I stopped breathing?!?! 

I was holding it in!!! Every memory every sigh all the tears I had cried.... It all came down to that last breath!!! 

A sigh of relieve, death is only the beginning to a new life!!!

An exchange.... A life for a life!!! The easy part is saying it the hard part is keeping up the lie and all the people who were involved!!! Some how protecting them from there lives becoming a part of this game!!! 

A game called life... There are winners and losers!!! It doesn't matter which one you are just as long as you keep playing!!! 

Yes when I listen to music I end up remixing it and making my own version of the song...

WallE---wood

Come as you are!! How else can you be yourself unless your wearing something comfortable!! No face paint no running around just you! And no pictures!! 

Community service is the best way to repay the damage you have done! House arrest was my own service to the community!

I made a mess in my grams house and took my time to clean it! Showing your love Is always the answer!!! It's more than just words it's taking time and wasting it correctly!!! Now I can party and say I worked for it and stayed out of trouble!! I earned it!! Lol!!  

So where am I gonna party?? And with who??? FAMILY!!! Duh!! 

I was planning on posting this the day of electric fairy tail.... But as always I chickened out!!! Just had a home party.... Cuz I think I have some more community service to do?!? It turned out I did. I even saw my old room and was so happy to have my own home!! I remember the day I asked for no more evil Spirits to enter my home... Than I made the mistake of opening it to people younger than me.... "spilt beer" oh geezzz! I wasn't ready to come out and play.... I had a lot of anger still! None really know how far I was pushed!!! None knew except those who tried to read just words and names!!

I don't know how long my vacation was, You could call it a sabbatical. Seeing what others saw, never forgetting my roots! Shame on those who exposed them without my approval! If you wanted the truths and not just words and names!!!

Those words were ment for the ones I had once loved and they lied to me saying it was mutual!!! Why do you think I burnt those letters!? The memories in my head don't leave. So, why remind me!?
Fear- without Faith... Doubled minded, maybe?!? I didn't stop believing in me I just needed time to prove it to you all!! Thank you for the borrowed time! I no longer waste it. Everyone has an asshole just like an excuse.... What's yours?!?

If you wanted emotion and reality.... Then maybe you shouldn't leave to my own delusion!!!

A muse Meant.....

I sat on the passenger side of the truck. It was my favorite color, navy blue. You were wearing a white shirt just like on the drive to the beach!!!  Bouncing along the rolling green hills. It was some ones back yard... The lay out of the property reminded me of my Auntie Terrie G. Even the house faced the same direction when we drove down the drive way. Horses where in the front yard!!! I got out of the truck to ride one. I don't remember the color. 

Next thing i figured out was who you were talking about to the neighbors. All of them walking outside in the morning to get the paper. You walked me back inside after the woman who came and talked to you gave me a look of disappointment.... She too was wearing a white shirt! 

Than the dream fades into a bathroom. It was your bathroom because the way the light came in from the window, for some reason it had the lay out of my Aunt Vicky's house. I recognized the bath tub!!! 

The last dream I had of my her house was right after my grandma'ma died... I was sitting on the bed and she told me to find her jewelry. 

You tell me to "shhh," you didn't want me to be found You didn't want me to be taken away!!! 

It was the last thing you wanted. Having to visit me in jail!!! you said you had been there..... It's a very ugly place!!! That's why I only went once.... Saying I would never come back again!!! I'm so glad I didn't, said the same thing regaurding the drunk tank.... I went because I fought over a boy.... Who had no problem getting drugs for other girls.... Never really knowing what was mine! I wonder if he watched from the upstairs window of how I lost the cross my mother gave me.... The one I had asked for over and over again and finally unwrapped on Christmas morning.

I promised myself to one day paint it! Even had the canvas picked out.... I was so proud the day I made my own promise and kept it...yes I saw some one watching me paint, not really needing to see the persons face because I knew I was safe!!!  

Intoxication can be and is so dangerous. I would title this toxic love but the name doesn't work!! 

So, I'm an attention whore! I love the rhythm and it was the song I admitted as my own... As if it were written for me!

When people tempt me to be good or bad... I try my best, never giving up!!!  

Damsel in Disstress......

If I could name my bathroom it would be stary night... Each room themed after one of my favorite paintings. On date at mimi's the guy asked me what I would paint the colors of my walls if I had a house. I told him each room would have a different theme, back then I said "each would a different city!!" Well, now it's years later and I got my house. So, I'm taking each and every idea I told a guy I dated and actually doing it!! The first one I completed was my instillation. I had told a guy that I would take clothes and pin them on a wall. Using name brand bags for a type of shelf/storage. Some one could ask? "Where's that girl, you were with?" "Painting"

I read in a book to Make the audience of the painting apart of it rather than distant observers... Hence the affect of being surrounded by blue sky. Directing the eye and making it fully aware of the source of inspiration! 

Using eye level as a starting point... Giving an All around affect while they sit and look up!! Using the space of the wall wisely. 

Simple forms, Strong grouping of his figures, the limited depth of his "stage" Giotto rules my world right now!! Definitely what is inspiring my living room!! Yum.

When it's done... It will be more than beautiful.... It will push the lines of interior decorating and design!!!

If you don't believe ask my uncle!!!



 

FUCK I NEED PAINT!!!! 

I see you standing on the fire place!!! Subs in front and giving you the party I wish I had... 

One day the guy I spend the rest of my life with will not only hear the stories but see them.. And say "Damn Girl" 

Ward of the State of Mind

Good girls don't go back!! That's silly!! But fools well that's another story!! I dragged everybody into our affairs! Everyone knew how horrible things had been!! But I didn't know or believe it could get better!!!! If you call me I'll ask you if your gonna hit me! you'll ask me if I'll cry! We will both say no and smile!! Why.... Because I love you and the simple life I dream about! 
Dreams do come true!! 
My Lilyan you are my world and the only one that makes me laugh!!

Little things make me smile!!! Like the smell of you!! Making no promises so there is none to break!! Haha!!  
 
If I could write a thank you letter it would first start with the ones who put me in check and was involved in my twelve step program... Of no more drama! The drama queen has none! its great!! Just a regular little girl raising another one!! What else could I ask for!! People try to get a reaction out of me and even my family yelling.. I was like ok your done!! Cuz I'm not gonna say what you wanna hear... So I just don't say anything at all!! Well except I love you!! And thank you for not putting me behind bars!! 


I even repeated this in a interview and figured out I was done going by some one elses schedule!!! It came to the point of branching out on my own!!! I stopped trying to wish my dreams to come true!!! I made them happen!!! Even to this day I'm plotting and planning my next move.

My GrandPa taught me chess and the name of the pieces!!! Even how to move them on a board.... But it was his wife who taught me how to play poker.... Never admitting she was a gambler!!!

The Drawing Board

Lies to cover up more lies!!!! Some white lies others with a lot more imagination and fabrication
Tall tells and manipulation
A life based on lies was not worth living!!! I looked at all the bull shit... And gave it up!!! There was no more searching for WiFi!! I knew why just didn't know the name of the guy!!! Didn't take the time to ask or even care.... It was just a conspiracy and front page gossip!!! Fresno's Art Hop with nothing to show not even my face!!! 

In one of my mid-night moods of expressing myself. I wrote "Did I ever tell you that your the best I ever had?" 

Than years later I danced to that song by drake(?) Then people wonder why I don't dance anymore.... I was writing songs before I knew it!!! A production is what I'm looking for.......!!!! 

A new face of life eternal!!! New brown eyes to look into!!! Hearing her laugh and giggle laying in bed..... You no longer taking time away from her!!! Her name was suppose to be Wonder Hope Montero!!!!  

All things I forgot!!! Thank goodness my habit is writing everything down!!! Putting it together in a new book to read to her..... ScrapBook Take Over!!! 

Mocking Bird

When I'm alone taking care of lily. I think of my mom! I think of how patient she is with me! I hear her voice while I talk to my child! But I look in the mirror and see my face! It's every single time. And it's always when me and lily are alone! I first hated it and was confused how I could be exactly like my mom. Now I find comfort in it! I wondered how I could change my parable while still holding onto my past and not hating it! By having hope for a better future! Hearing my mothers voice in my own and loving the sound! Being able to care for lily so gentle and kind! Loving me because I love my baby! No matter how old she will always be that 6 month old precious star In my arms! I love giving her a bath because it reminds me of listening to the killers and having her in the tub with me! 

Remembering who you are it's a beat beat beat beat beautiful thing!! Don't look over it embrace it! love it. Then pay it forward! If you can't say anything nice don't say it all... Express yourself in many different forms that are the dance of life! 

LET IT GO!!!!!! 

You can't fool the queen of fools. You can't hold her down! You can't live without her! Look look into my eyes I'll tell you the truth and make you blind! Not just with my looks or my lips but the breathe of life! If I were a virgin I'd bleed blood the color purple!

Stored Energy

Stored Energy

So I'm directing it correctly but the huge issue is still the feeling of constantly being watched, and not being able to laugh! It just seems forced still! I still dont feel like I can be me. I lost me somehow, somewhere!!! Maybe it was lost lake!! Idk? I still have the shirt tucked away. I'm just Waiting for the day to sit down and have the patience to draw my lily pads and the tree I saw when I awoke from my darkest dream! I hold on to these memories to remind me how far I've come and that I still haven't found a way to express them. 

Do you remember the day I looked at you and said "I want to sit down and watch the people dance.... Just to laugh"

Well, thats cuz I don't laugh anymore. I knew going through with this was gonna be filled with tears... Doing something and finishing it. They hate to see me Hurt... I'll make it through the holidays... I gotta... Slowly pulling myself together... Boy george gotta love the originals.. They always say it best!
 
I think I've lost my funny bone or I'm just trying to hard to------
Define Creativity: Yeah thats the thing.. I'm not going off any script anymore. I got the start of my ideas and this is just my process of finishing them. It's like I'm just gonna stay till they are done. In my own studio!!! (fuck Yeah)

My Lily is adorable when she gets frustrated like me.. She said I was cute while we were cleaning the back yard!! The things I do for this child are sometimes hard to believe!!! 

Do you remember the comment I put on my old face book of finding a man that would first treat me right and then I would teach him to be a father to my child?
Well that's is what I see in my head as a happy ending!!!

S.V.M.Haggard (Aka brutally honest) #Real talk

Karma is not to be messed with, some people just learn the hard way.

Devotion Vs. Die

Many Happy Returns Tigger and Eeyore

What do you get when you dont use a period... A run on sentence.

When you got a bunch of one liners it makes a paragraph!  

Mommy just wants it all...
Uncle is action, and Andy is the prop-guy... I'm the star!! I may not be a full time student or part time employ but I have "never heard of a part time parent...." Labels they will do wonders for the ordinary and extremely close minded! 

Not asking for anything more... Just the basics! You get what you pay for and when you don't pay for it... Than that's all there is! 

Crank calls and Telephone.... I remember that game when I was a kid!! And how things get so distorted while it is passed to each person!! And then people wonder why I keep my mouth shut!! Lol!! 


The memories can never be erased. Even when I write them down.... I still have the visuals in my head... (lost lake)! Still waiting for the day to paint what I saw... Some one suggested tracing.. But i would really like to be a true artist. So that means my vision comes from within, and I take the time to learn from some one who is older than me.... It's called Home school for a reason. The Apprentice Aka secretary Aka real life... Non- fiction! 

Due Dates

So the money I was planning on spending on my lily is gone. I think that's why there is such an anger inside me. I seriously spent all day painting the bathroom in hopes when the sun went down today to buy the rest of the paint and make new and repair what once was broken! Now I have to clean my mess and wait till next month to finish what I started! Today was my time limit, has turned into next month! 

I remember when I lived on court St and finally kicked Gilbert out. It was before I watched him fuck another girl in front of me. I was living on welfare and didn't have a reason to go out or party! I stayed home and did nothing. Just like I do now!!! Even though this time I have been a lot more productive and honest. It was one day while I was walking down Main St. I had just gone to the bank and realized I had extra spending money!! I walked into sugar plums and bought myself something!! I don't remember what it was, but I remember the sun shining so bright and that feeling of accomplishment!! I was able to save my money because I didn't have anyone to spend it on! That's the way this month was suppose to go. I knew when my bills were due, I knew what I had to get done around my house and I knew my budget!! The problem is all the strings that are attached when you rely on your income coming from someone else and some one emptying my account because they think they know best!!! If people would take the time to ask..... They would know!

Da Force

Working for M&M Rentals for a life time and it's still not enough!! Still learning and tackling challenges everyday.... Entering the work force one day at a time and getting paid in hugs and kisses; with a good meal and all the ones I love around me is priceless!! All to teach a valuable lesson... Love from is a family is always enough!! No matter what my thoughts tell me!! Listening to music watching the birds out the kitchen window.... Turtle doves. 

Off with the hand cuffs

That feeling of wanting to give up is when I talk myself into keep going!!  The biggest mistake you can make is calling the Person who use to support your bad habits a girl. I am a woman!   In business it is always good to have a little competition. It's what keeps things interesting. I've been given this opportunity to not only remember the lies that were told to me which I repeated, because I was looking for truth in all the wrong places!  Well, I found my truth in my dreams and in lily's voice. In her little question "how was I made?"  Eph5:13 But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is light. 14 Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light. The night I had the deepest darkest dream was after the " trip from Hell " at St. Johns River (2011) I heard noises of creatures: snakes and crickets and the wind! I didn't understand what was said or ment by the dream. Not enough time had passed! It was only the day I called him Dr. Voodoo!!! It was the beginning of a new life!!! It was also the day Staci Died. In many ways I believe we trade places.... I woke up and was acting like me but not really knowing the meaning of who I am. So, I searched and finally came up with a solution to my problem..... Live a life well lived... It is the best revenge!! (Shelby)  This is not a philosophy statement this is all factual..... A thesis! It is my way of Paying respect to not only the ones who took time to be taught but those who learn and create...  Compared to God I am nothing but to him I am everything.                                         S.V.M.    

Time limits

Girl fights after watching a chicken fight Me- lil, girls fight over the silliest things!  Her- like what?  M- toys,... I just walk away and let the other girl have it!  L- why?  M- cuz I got bigger fish to fry! L- huh?  (scoop her up into my arms and do a whirl)  M- "like you"  Then she gives that " i don't get it look!" M- one day you'll understand...  And a lil advice everything your parents tell you is true even when you think they are pulling your leg!!  I learned that when I had you but didn't understand until I turn 24!  Cuz I tried to throw my own birthday party and no one showed up cuz unlike me they had other responsibilities..... And guess what. Lil- what?  M- your mine!  Bedazzle.... With no glue... Just stitch but not with a machine. Time and patience! Concept coming together... With an all around effect!! What I didn't have time to finish on my other dress I do now... The right way!!  (trying to make sense of all these notes to put them together so I get the point across. Not as easy as I thought it would be) to just have one flowing constant thought from start to finish. Now I know how hard it is to publish a paper everyday and how hard an editor works! Let's just say I think there is more to the story of "The devil wears Prada" than was in the book and the movie!!!

Mimi' Cafe

Dejav"U"  I looked at her, studied her, listened, it was very interesting!! A click went off, like a time bomb!  A muse.... The one who knew just what to say, when to say it! A news broad caster... Huh if only if only.... Everything... All of it, at my finger tips!!!  Touch smell taste! Wait!! Numbness before I runloiuuytijkjll for the finish line. When your running the bases your careful but when your about to reach home... You sprint like a mother fucker!! People think "oh I've made it threw the hard part" but in reality a bullet travels faster then your two legs can Carry you!  I still wonder why my leg doesn't work right... It's just uneven! Especially when I got out the car twice today it hurt all the way down to my bones because it was so cold in the restaurant... Then people wonder why I wear long sleeves in the middle of summer!!! I bet they think I'm trying to cover my tattoos.. Uuuhhhhh no, I know my body and listen to my instincts before I walk out the door!!  They know my plan I wonder if they know I'm editing to cut to the chase!! 

A Tribute to silence

She didn't think I'd remember all the stories she told me. Like how the popular girls would call a girl who they didn't like over to a certain part of the play ground so the boys could touch her. As the popular girls giggled and laughed. She didn't think of the consequences than because she was young. It was high school. She didn't think that it would come back in the end like karma, to bite her in the ass! When I sat across from her in the detention facility next to Bob Wiley. She asked me why God had done this? I looked her in the eye and told her he didn't... I had! The guard came up to us and said we couldn't be holding hands. I was trying to make her feel better! Halloween was spent with out my family, I didn't know what I had done to deserve such a punishment. I remember singing in the vents. It was like a request line. The song I loved Singing was amazing grace. When my family came to my hearing I sat in front of the judge and told him I didn't want to go back home! That was when I moved in with my first foster parent. The first meal I ate at her table was spaghetti! The girls watched me eat two whole plates. It was also the year I didn't go home for my grandmothers birthday because my probation period of being a ward of the state wasn't up! When I did go home for family visits the girls including the parent would go through my stuff and took what they liked! That was how I lost a gift an x boyfriend gave me! (Brian from CVC) It was a skirt, and a tan stripped shirt. The black girl who went to Golden West was the one who stole it! I remember her story of her aunt being killed by her boyfriend! The Aunt's body was found in one of the fields of the people who I had gone to school with at CVC.  If I looked in the papers of that time I could find the names and dates.... But honestly I think the words of these lives and how they were connected is enough for me. If I think back even further I can remember waking up and finding Andy sitting on the couch while I ran around the house getting ready for school! I asked him what he was watching... "the news" The World Trade center had been hit! I sat and said "it looks like a movie"  When I got to my first period English class at CVC the news was on again! I was never the type to sit still long enough to watch the news! I stared out the window and thought about who in my life would be effected by this tragedy! Laura I believe her name was. Her dad worked in a pizza place and was also apart of the Lemoore air base! Her picture hangs on my wall to remind me of the day Andy proposed to my mother at Knotts berry farm! 

See you Monday

Do you remember the day that it was a car full of boys, I believe it was me, g and three others. In a old beat up little blue toyota corolla. The boys were being boys next to St. Johns River. They didn't know what happened to me early that year so they found it funny to try to and stuff me in the trunk! I kicked and screamed, because of the fear! The drive home was the worste because I was balling my eyes out, On g's shoulder but nothing he said made the flash backs go away. Then I think about the day I was standing in the St. Watching g getting his ass beat while his friend held me against his growing meat stick! Now both of these memories happened 7 years apart! I will never believe g has grown up. The only person I see growing up is his first born! I protect the name of the innocent....!!! It took all the control I had to not turn around and do my own dirty work when you put lily in the back seat the other night! You know the day you texted me you wished I was dead was the day my family took her to the circus!!!! Thanks for all the memories of not sticking up for me!!! You were never my friend or family! You not only told everyone what happened to me, you showed videos!!! Forgetting the rules of science... Cause and effect!!! Now the girls you are with will see my face when they look at your little girl! It's the price you pay of disrespecting a woman!!!

Put an end to the bull shit!!!

To: Keep my name outta your mouth for one day (I dare you)  You say rapper scrapper I say Jack the Ripper. I've said it before, I'll say it again, I can't help it that the muscle memory of my body is the figure of a 18 year old twig. the only reason I have hips is cuz I'm a women, not a girl anymore!!! And yes my woo hoo is most likely tighter than yours because the last time I was flapping around like a fish was posted for the world to see!!! So, please realize I'm not a slut no matter how much you love to think so. I don't know how or why people find such pleasure to judge, I suppose it's human nature when a person feels threatened they become very prideful, rude, mean, uncontrollable comments on  facebook (cuz words don't cost a thing). I am guilty of this myself. Well, thanks to utube are you proud of making known my past. Then sending me post cards to see a dr... As if that's going to replace the memories put in my head!!!  Now please remind me when was the last time I talked crap about you? If you enjoy picking on me... Ok! If you got nothing else to talk about... I'm sorry, you look to me as a source of entertainment. (I've retired) So here I am giving you words of complete Honesty, I did nothing wrong! I'm not guilty of anything that I have been accused of!  For the love of music.... peace love unity and respect... Gotta give it before you ask for it in return!! The next time you decide to throw an event to teach some one a lesson or feel like "showed that girl" the only people you are making fools out of Is your selves!!! Emerald & Valley Massive Fever. To remind me of an abusive relationship that went on for to long.  You are all a bunch of stupid people who label me as a Slut, which I still find hard to believe! Take it how you want everyone does anyways! But, know this... I don't regret the life I've chosen. It was not a dream of mine to be a young mom. Either way it is still being fulfilled!!!

What I didn't tell you about devil eggs....

The biggest learning experience today was working with my mom in my kitchen. It wasn't hers so she didn't know where things were and it took more time to explain it instead of just grabbing it and handing it to her!! She was about to boil over a few times because to her I made a mistake!! Since I'm her daughter we fight like cats and dogs!! What she doesn't know is that my biggest test is having patience with her! Last night in the car she was trying to tell me how some medicine was working great for her blah blah blah some dr. Told her to try it!!! I was like yeah sure I'm so happy for you!! Hell no I'm not taking any drugs unless it's well.... In a form of yummy smelling weed! Ill see one for broken bones and my eyes and to clean my teeth but a broken heart is something only time will heal!  If I can have patience with my mom and try to work with her just cooking a meal than I know I can work with others and listen to their ideas before jumping to conclusions!   

Flash forward....

Have you ever felt like a princess.... Just cuz you were born into the right family. One that would do anything for you! Ive been one my whole life.... And it's hard to break old habits! A life style change... Well that's a different story! I've got a lot of editing to do....... Blah!